My fiance and I are getting married. I have a one year old and we are not well off financially to pay for our wedding. I feel like my dad feels forced to pay and is not happy about it. It makes me sad b.c. I'm an only child and he has enough money to give me a wedding. I feel so guilty, b.c. everytime he pays for something he pretty much throws a fit and brings up how much money I'm costing him. I've tried to cut costs in everyway possible. Someone is making invites, grandparents paying for flowers, cater is friend of family's, piano player is also friend of family. My dad's attitude is making me not want a wedding. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by him helping!

I am a bride to be and wanted a small rehearsal dinner with only our parents, the wedding party, minister and my grandparents. My future MIL now wants to invite all her family that is coming in from OOT. I know that it is the groom's family who plans the rehearsal dinner, but I don't want all those people there. My FMIL insists that since all those people are staying with them that they should come. Meanwhile, my family is local and since they aren't coming from out of town are not allowed to be there :( Any suggestions?

I was told on the day of the rehearsal dinner that my husband and I were not included. We are the parents of the bride. I thought both sets of parents were supposed to be invited. I am hurt and confused. My husband and I have not been included in anything. The grooms parents are paying for the reception because they have so many relatives they said it would not be fair to us. My daughter and her fiance are paying for the rehearsal dinner even though we offered, is this the way it is supposed to be ?

I am a bride and I have an opposite problem to what a lot of you mother's of the groom have. My family is not necessarily rich, but can afford to host a nice wedding. My FI's family, is not very well off, they are divorced, and his father and step-mother are EXTREMELY cheap, and won't pay for a rehearsal dinner, and his mother simply can't afford one. My parents say that it's not their responsibility since they are paying for all other expenses for the wedding and won't do it either. I guess we are going to go without one altogether. I have tried to involve my groom's family, but my future father in-law will only respond to e-mails with one line sentences that ignore a lot of the questions I am asking him, and does not pick up the phone when I call. They have behaved very poorly when it comes to money in the past and I don't want there to be issues between them and my parents. I wish they showed more of an interest in the planning, but I am concerned that they will skip the rehearsal altogether (even though their daughter is standing) to get out of any obligations to pay for a rehearsal dinner. It's not like I'm asking for a lot, maybe 20 people (the bridal party, my mother and father, groomsmen, our pastor and his wife) and something casual. Oh well I guess this is how these things goes!

My soon is getting married in six months. The bride's mother planned the entire wedding on her own and then told us that we would be hosting a rehearsal dinner with 97 people maximum attending because all of her out of town relatives had to be invited. She even took the liberty of calling a local restaurant to get me a price per person on dinner for everyone(23.00 per person), $2000.00 without any drinks or cocktails included. I told her that 97 people at a rehearsal dinner was ridiculous and she insists that it is proper etiquette to invite all out of town guests. I don't want to disappoint my son and fiance but this is just out of control and way off my budget. What do I do?

Great Article! In reading these comments I must say I am blessed that my son is marrying a wonderful girl with a wonderful family. They have allowed us to make all of the plans, which I do pass by my future daughter-in-law. I'm so looking forward to the dinner :)

I AM NOT WITH MU SONS FATHER AND ADORE THE WOMAN AND HER FAMILY HE IS MARRYING. I NEED HELP WITH A MOM-TO-SON-SPEECH, FUNNY,GENTLE,AND LOVING

I'm the mother of the groom, and appreciate the guidance this site has provided. My husband and I agreed to set a budget for our son's wedding. We've invited members of the wedding party (not signifiant others) along with the Bride's mother to the rehearsal dinner. My son and future daughter-in-law understand and appreciate that these are tough economic times - both have done an amazing job themselves to scale back on the expense. If anyone feels we are not doing enough, that's their issue. Most important thing to focus on is the love of these two individuals and celebrating their marriage.

Haha...$500 and twenty people??? Wish I was paying for that one!!!! How about several grand and finding out you are entertaining/feeding almost HALF of the people invited to the wedding. Meanwhile, the Bride and Groom still don't have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of. They could have had a house with a yard for my GRANDCHILD to play in :(

Advise sought: As mother of the groom I was appalled to receive an email from my sister to inform me, my future daughter-in-law and parents had booked a resturant for the rehearsal dinner without consulting me. Not sure if this bothered me the most or the fact that they choose the resturant where my family had recently celebrated my father's birthday just weeks before his death. I did completely freak out and refused to go to the rehearsal dinner. I've also said I would not pay for the dinner if the venue was not changed. Am I being unreasonable?

Your Comments A rehearsal dinner can be expensive. Wish I had a book on what was proper ettiguette and what was not. But I had no control of where , when how who was invited and what was to be done. Only that I had to pay for it and had to pay for it because that is what I should have planned for in my life. I am on disability and had just paid for a funeral losing my son. I was disappointed that my only living son did not allow me to have a say in what I was paying for. In fact they invited several children to the party and they did not eat their food which I paid a very hefty price tag for. I had no idea that children were coming. I had total surprises. In fact the very people who I asked my son to invite were not included but at the last minute he was able to get them included. Then they celebrated someone in the other families birthday at the event, which is why all the children were there. I was very hurt. I know these things should be ironed out somehow beforehand but isn't the person who pays the bill suppossed to plan this and not the couple. Shouldn't we have some say in it since it is our gift and our money. And shouldn't it not cost a couple thousand dollars when you have just lost a child and had to pay for a funeral? I think brides today are different than yesteryear. They want something very elegant. I had my own rehearsal dinner at a brother in laws house and we invited a lot of people. Cost was extremely minimal and we paid for it because my in laws could not afford it. I am sorry that things happen in weddings the way they do because when I expressed my disappointment I think my new in laws or not happy with my comment about my being unhappy about paying for someones birthday party with their family. I felt sad from just losing a child. Plus, I wanted to be close to my only living son but we were at odds because he wanted to let his future wife have her happy moment. Her happy moment cost me a lot of money and it also caused a rift between us which I wish was not there. I want to have a close relationship with my son, his wife, his children and his family. I really like them all. I just wish that the event could have been handled differently so no one could have felt like they do now. Wish we could have just had something simple in which I could have invited people not able to be invited to the wedding. What is the protocol for these things. I requested something simple in a nice place which I was able to have for no fee at all. They could have invited anyone they wanted. I wanted it catered and still with a sit down dinner it would have been less expensive for me. Even allowing the event to take place the way they wanted still created feelings which were mixed. Wish it could have happened a different way because I would like the family to be close. I really like the in laws and my daughter in law. But this stupid one event has caused her to feel odd toward me, because I expressed some hurt about paying such a high price for something like that. Shouldn't I have had some input when paying. No matter what I did the way they wanted it didn't do me any good because I think they were still upset with me.

Your Comments Trivia questions: Name the last team to beat the wings for the cup?

Your Comments So sad to see Carl miss GAME 7 of the Stanley Cup FINALS when the famed Detroit Red Wings will kick the butt of the "Peng-goo-ins" in DETROIT. So sorry to hear you will miss the game Carl however, Etiquette is Etiquette. By the way, Dave T. says he is so sorry to see this as well. Have a great day Carl

Your Comments Well, I am the mother of the Bride and the Maid of Honor. The groom's mother did not include us in the rehearsal dinner planning. She has planned a party at her house for all the out of town guests and her home is 2 l/2 hours from my home. We can't have the rehearsal before the rehearsal dinner because of her choosing her home so far away and on top of that the wedding is at 10:00 the next morning. I will need to leave with the Bride to the venue at 6:00 in the morning in order to drive the hour and get the bride and myself ready for the ceremony. I think the Groom's mother was inconsiderate to plan it like this. She was asked to change it and threatened that if we didn't come she was not coming to the wedding. At that point I suggested my daughter call off the wedding.

At the last count the grooms dinner is up to 75 people! We could not afford to have it at the wedding site on the rehearsal night so we are having it one night before. I am getting grief about having it at the house and not on the night of the rehearsal... This was originally agreed to but now the bride is balking. Is there anyone else out there that has had the grooms dinner the day before the rehearsal? How did it turn out?

I totally agree- the wedding rehearsal dinner must be taken as an opportunity to relax with friends and family. There should be entertainment and fun. I recently attended the wedding rehearsal of my niece that was so wonderful. They had put up a big-screen tv and played a musical show made with pictures of the couple's dating days. It was perfectly choreographed to music and because it was professionally made, the results were awesome! It was so romantic and touching to watch their love story on the screen. Later, they presented a copy of the DVD to every guest as a souvenir to take home. They got the show custom-made for them by Smiling Snaps and I had never seen anything like that before.

Your Comments Should small children be invited to the rehearsal dinner?

Cyndie - Sandy, That's on the high end for a rehearsal dinner, but not over the top. Everyone in the wedding party, plus significant other, parents, siblings, kids...it all ads up. Just wait til more people show up than expected at the wedding reception itself!

Your Comments My "yet to be" duaghter-in-law advised that the rehearsal dinner will be 37 or so people. Granted, large wedding party and some special guest - but 37 people! Do you think that is a bit much. I found your article very helpful in guiding me to the making the right decision. Many, many, thanks!