This is for ASH. Find out exactly what makes him scared about the wedding. I almost called my engagement off because I was too scared to proceed. But after me and my fiance discussed my concerns, I found out there wasn't anything to be afraid of (besides typical cold feet stuff). Hold a "summit" so to speak. Let it be a talk where nothing is off limits to talk about and provide unvarnished answers, from both of you.

My partner & I have been going out for 5 year this year and have been living together, in various places. My old man is very christian based and can be judgemental most of the time, towards us and living together before marriage. Few months after I my 21st i had a mental breakdown anxiety depression experienced a spiritual attack, + family seperated and a demanding prick of a boss standing over me at work wasn't helping and a few other things triggered etc and spent a few days in hospital, around that time he had been sleeping in another room saying that he had a bad back which he does have but that our bed in too hard, when more it was about respecting my dads wishes rather than our thought and views and thats personal and we live with that. Last year he was still sleeping in the other room, and I felt we were drifting apart. Tried to tell him that sleeping together was an important element of our relationship but all he could see was that we were going to sleep and does really matter, and that heaps of people he knows do the same and i should get over it, it wasn't a big deal. So I would go spend more time with the girls, and we caught up. Group of girls get harrased by men and one did try make his move but I was not at all interested so I left.. When I tell him what happened he thinks I was out to cheat on him. So about a fotnight later he proposes to me, which now we look back he properly does one day but think it was more to keep me, for me to know he's in for the long hall. So from after that he's back sleeping with me and everythings rosey.. He goes to ring up my dad for his blessing, but dad was more stunned over the phone and suggest he should drive to his house and ask in person. I even organised a meeting for all three of us to discuss and dad brough a friend, so we had even sides and he was more likely not to loose his cool. Which didn't really change anything. My partner asked me to take of my engagment ring, sorted like he was calling it off without me, too hard to please future in laws. So now I'm stuck everyone is expecting us to be planning our day, My feelings towards him havn't changed, we shouldn't have to cancel everything because my old man has issues and is old fashioned. My partner told me that I had to work out my dads blessing on my own without him, so this I did i caught up with him and told him that things were still going ahead eventually. It doesn't have to be this hard, for a start it none of my old mans business he can keep his views to himself. My partners lot he's desire for marriage and can't be bothered with my old mans crap, why should that change anything, this is ment to be a happy time for us, we had the engagment ring, venues booked but now it just feels like i'm draft organising our big day and that i'm forcing him into marriage too quickly.. when all i said was yes! Were both christians but he can't see god created marriage and that its nothing more than a piece of paper. By the way he's 31 I'm 23.. all my friends are having kids and getting married makes it so fustrating when were/I'm trying to move forward. comment to my email - sugarieexox@hotmail.com

This is to DEE. I'd ask him if he wants to get married or not. Be completely honest and don't guilt him into a response. Truely (sp?)let him answer and find out what the problem is. If he doesn't want to get married, it's better to know now then getting divorced 2 years down the road.

i have been with the fiance for over 7 years. We have lived serveral different places throught out our time together.we recently purchased our first home this past Aug. 2009 we had been engaged since Feb 2009. Just recently he informed me that at times he cant picture us in the future. He wants a future and he loves me but has a hard seeing us. I want to be his wife to love and cherish him for as long as i shall live, but what does this mean. is it coldfeet, realizing that you are about to committ your life with someone. or is it something more then just coldfeet. I am at loss of words right now.

Your Comments

WOW! I am going through some crazy stuff with my new (2 months) fiancee already and I am truly concerned. I get the feeling I'm planning something that might never happen. He has a new excuse everyday as to why we should wait, or why we aren't ready to get married. Some of his reasons are valid, but at times it just sounds like excuses. (This man wants me to take a lie detector test to prove I've never been unfaithful. Meanwhile I've caught him communication with other women on several occasions.) Why did he propose to me if he wasn't sure. Part of me wishes I had the strenght to just walk away now, before I end up a bride who gets left at the alter. I don't know! He has been a commitment-phobe during our entire relationship and I hung in there because I love him. I am going to try to get him to read this article although I'm not sure it will help.

Your Comments I was engaged and now he has postponed everything. He took the ring back and I don't know what to do. I think everything hit him when we were going to meet with a architect. Why didn't he bring any of this up before? Am I suppose to wait for him to figure out what he really wants or just move on?

This article is great, now how can I suggest that my fiance read it without offending him??? We are supposed to be married in 4 days and he's suddenly flipped out on me!