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dealing with bridezilla [Page 1 of 3]

Picture the great green fictional monster, Godzilla. Now picture your fiancée’s gorgeous, glowing face on Godzilla's body (known as ‘Bridezilla’), crashing through the streets, the house, the office, leaving a trail of shredded wedding invitation samples and astronomical cell phone bills in her wake. Bridezilla is born, Bridezilla has risen, Bridezilla is real and you must act to rescue her from her own devastating wrath. How can she be stopped? How can a groom avoid getting trampled under her thunderous footfall?

GroomGroove.com has the answers for you. (It’s going to be okay.)

How Do You Know She's...Transformed?
Trust us on this one...you'll know! Your usually composed, even-tempered partner will become suddenly obsessed with the wedding plans, focusing day and night on little else. She will, at times, become irritable, accusatory, dismissive, irrational, and demanding. It's not PMS -- and in fact, never speak those three letters aloud-- it's the biggest day of her life, and dammit, it's going to go off without a hitch. The groom has got to cut his bride some slack.

How can a groom cope?
1. Prevention is key. Before you dive into the planning stage of your wedding, chat with your bride-to-be about how you plan to tackle it. And by you, that means both of you. Have a good talk about what each of you will be responsible for, and an exchange of vows (so to speak) not to let the enormity of the task ahead get the best of you and cast a storm cloud over one of the greatest events of your lives. If she doesn’t bring this up, be proactive. Establishing a plan of action will benefit you if things get out of hand later. You can simply refer to your “initial agreement” to get you back on track.

2. Grooms aren't guilty unless…they are. If you are upholding your end of the bargain, you have absolutely nothing to feel sorry for. Even so, this may not prevent your future wife from becoming Bridezilla. If she succumbs, remind her that you’re doing all you can and that if she is taking on tasks above and beyond what was agreed upon, that is her own choosing. However, if you’re skipping out on things you agreed to help with to have a drink with friends or catch the game on TV, sorry brother but...you're guilty as charged. In this case, your Bridezilla is justified in being a monster. Rectify the situation as quickly as you can. Be extra, extra nice.

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Diana
Wed, Apr.10th 2013
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Joseph
Sun, Jan.9th 2011
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The thing about bridezillas is this...just like any other matter its a blatant excuse to be a complete and utter b-word. Weddings are stressful but that does not give anyone the excuse to get their emotions out of control, it doesn't matter what the situation is. PEOPLE CAN CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS!!!! Sometimes its just easier to take problems out on others rather than man...errr woman-up yourself. My fiancee and i already talked about marriage and the first thing i told her is if she even tries to go bridezilla ill call off the wedding cause if she acts like that stressing out a wedding what else is she gonna act like that for? So to all you bridezillas out there, GROW UP! things dont always go as planned and sometimes you just have to grin and bear it. Remember who your getting married to and treat him with respect. I HATE the misconception that the wedding is ALL about the WOMAN its not its a wedding, you brides arent marrying yourself. Your marrying your husband, which means the wedding is for both of you not just you. That also means that you grooms need to step up to plate and do some work too.
groom
Thu, Jun.17th 2010
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From the Groom's point of view...No matter how stressed out you are, you cannot treat someone else with disrespect, or you may say or do something you cannot take back. Brides seem to forget what is happening here, there is a wedding then there is a marriage. Do not loose sight of the marriage; it is why you have chosen the person you want to be with. I am currently going through this, my bride to be has lost it completely! the only advice i can pass on is calm her down and remind her of your new life together take her to a happier place. So far it has worked, i am sure this will wear thing very very soon! Patience is key and choose your battle especially now. More importantly Grooms need time away from the bride so you don't blow a gasket. Go out with the boys one night have some drinks, play a round of golf.
going bridal..going..going..
Tue, May.11th 2010
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I don't fully understand what is happening to me, except for the overwhelming pressure of vendors who need to have our decisions now and that the word wedding suddenly makes everything cost 10 times more, friends and family who offer to help and some do, with info and ideas, but many friends and vendors just keep pressuring for answers to questions I wouldn't have thought of.. is this a vase you like, have you chosen this or that yet, "what will I be wearing- my favorite colour is copper" "green looks best on me" "I like halter tops and brown".. have you chosen yet?!... and some rather insensitive comments "he put up with what others wouldn't have.. no one else would have stuck by you dealing with cancer, pet dying..". I hear bridezilla happens when the girl has been planning on her own (suddenly my "partner" in life is finding more time for hobbies and socializing because I am doing a bunch of planning work) and is being pushed around and over the edge... In hardest times, I didn't have to deal with so many simultaneous delicate "no thank you for your services" negotiations and all out aggressive people... ya, poke a girl enough and she will fight or flight.. I am in the cold feet stage, disillusioned by his lack of help and the stupidity of it all... No wonder marriage went out of style and I wasn't really rushing towards it for most of my life... if he's not helping now and I'm feeling this resentment and apprehension now, I am not sure it isn't a sneak preview of him and of me!...I don't like myself in this scene. I never would have expected him to call me a nag, and I didn't expect to tell him I think he's lazy..
Livvy
Mon, May.10th 2010
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Honestly I have had my moments but overall I think more times then not this word is thrown around too easily. I'm within 50 days of my wedding and yea it's stressful. I've been as easy going as I can but I have had to snap at my fiance because I gave him a small task but crucial task (like finding the minister) I reminded him nicely for a few weeks before I chewed him out, afterwards it got done. And don't act as if your too busy because we are busy too. Multitask... learn it Plus guys you need to get your moms in check and man up when she is pulling crazy stunts and undermining the things both you and your bride agreed on. If your mom is being disrespectful to your bride SPEAK UP to your mother. I know so many girls who married weak boys who wouldn't stand up and yea either they are miserable in the married because the MIL butt their nose into everything or they got divorced. I do have to agree about taking a break from the wedding. Although don't take too much of a break (like 2 months) or else you will be going crazy over last minute stuff.
...
Sat, Apr.10th 2010
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Its frustrating because often theres not a thing a woman can do to prevent being called a bridezilla. If she shows negative emotion at all about her wedding (stress, frustration, even fear - which the grooms are showing too!) she's dubbed a bridezilla. Its disappointing that someone invested a term that harsh. I know there has to be a lot of women doing it to deserve a term - but just another tip for guys: don't rush to make that description, not even in a joke. It really just hurts your bride who is trying the hardest in her life to make something perfect - and its not just for her. She's making it perfect for you both. And just an idea: if she's working that hard to make just one perfect day for you two - imagine what your life and home will be like together beyond the stress. She's showing some real dedication already. One last comment to the guys who have complained about helping with small tasks - maybe you shouldn't be getting married if a one hour trip to the florist with your soon to be wife is too much to handle. I mean, after all, why should she marry someone who has no interest in helping her with somthing so small in effort?
Nichole
Sat, Mar.27th 2010
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Lol. For all of you who think the "bridezilla" continues after the wedding, it doesnt really. All you have done is seen your love in a situation similar to you watching your favourite team play a game. But the thing is half the time you might be the thing stopping her team from winning, only then is when she will get upset with you. Or when her team has lost. (i.e. you don't want limousines or she just found out her ideal reception venue is booked...for 3 years). This isnt who she is as a person, this is just her stressed, esctatic, excited, dreamy and a little bit greedy. The more of a bridezilla she is the more excited she is about marrying you. "You" will come into the picture on the day, but right now the "day" has to be planned. If there was ever a situation in a guys life where it was a dream you had been dreaiming about since you were six, a day which would probably be your most happiest day, a day with a thousand details you have plan, a day were everyone is coming and (despite what people say) is going to be judging it and is an expression of yourself and the one you love etc. Im pretty sure guys might freak out a bit every now and then.
Kafkadeft
Sat, Jan.16th 2010
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Marriage.....you are all insane.
i was never here....
Tue, Dec.29th 2009
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never thought my old lady would turn out to be this way but lately she just snaps on me out of the blue about wedding planning stuff, like someone hitting you in the head with a brick from behind for no reason. Should have eloped......
Tessa
Mon, Nov.9th 2009
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Ah screw all the girls that are offended by this its 6 am ive been up planning for the last 4 hours and damn straight this is mh day and ti WILL go of without a hitch and am sending this little article to my fiancee so that he can be ready and we can laugh as oppose to argue about my current irritability! because i feel the change coming RAR! BrideZilla Attacks!
Fri, Sep.18th 2009
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Hey "Never thought it would happen" so what if no one you know had to go to the florist, your bride wants you to go, maybe she is trying to include you in on the planning process and wants your opinion, don't be such a jerk about it, no wonder you have a bridzilla.
JASMIME
Mon, Aug.3rd 2009
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I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE WOMEN THAT ARE PROUD TO BE CALLED A BRIDEZILLA ARE ACTING THE WAY THAT THEY DO ON THE SHOW BRIDEZILLA BECAUSE OF THE STRESS OR EXCITEMENT OF GETTING MARRIED. I BELIEVE THESE WOMEN ARE JUST NASTY GHETTO TYPE "GIRLS" "THAT ARE NOT PREPARED FOR MARRIED LIFE. THEY OFTEN SPEAK OF THE DAY THEY HAVE WAITED FOR AND DREAMED OF ALL OF THEIR LIVES BUT THEY HAVE NO REAL PLANS AND THIS INCLUDES THE GROOM AS WELL. USUALLY NEITHER SHOW ANY TRUE LOVE AND RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER AND THEY DISPLAY THE SAME TOWARDS PARENTS; BRIDESMAIDS OR ANYONE INVOLVED IN THE WEDDING PLANS. MOST BRIDEZILLAS HAVE OVER SPENT AND HAVE NO IDEA OR CARE HOW THE WEDDING WILL BE PAID FOR AND NEVER CONSIDER THE BOTTOM LINE. I AM ALWAYS AMAZED HOW THE MEN ON THE TV SHOW BRIDEZILLAS SHOW ACTUALLY SHOW UP FOR THE WEDDING AND HOW THEY ALLOW THE WOMEN TO PUSH THEM AROUND BEFORE THE WEDDING,DO THEY BELIEVE IT'S GOING TO GET BETTER AFTER THEY SAY I DO? I FEEL REALLY SAD FOR THE CHILDREN THAT ARE BORN INTO THESE MARRIAGES AND SOME OF THEM ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN AND DISPLAY HOSTILE ATTITUDES TOWARDS THE CHILD. YES EVERY WOMAN AND IN MOST CASES THE PARENTS HAVE ALOT OF PLANNING TO DO BUT WHEN A BRIDEZILLA IS BEATING HIM UP STEALING HIS CHARGE CARD OR HIDING THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF THE WEDDING AND WISHING HE WAS DEAD BEFORE THE WEDDING WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AFER THE VOWELS. AND HOW ABOUT THE SHOW WHEN THE COUPLE WAS SUPPOSE TO WRITE THEIR VOWELS AND THE GROOM DID BUT BRIDEZILLA WAS SO BUSY PLANNING "HER" WEDDING THAT AFTER HE READ HIS VOWELS SHE ACTUALLY LOOKED INTO THE CAMERA AND SAID SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE HER VOWELS. WITH THE BRIDEZILLA IT ALWAYS ALL ABOUT HER AND THAT'S WHAT YOU WILL HEAR A BRIDEZILLA SAY EACH AND EVERYTIME AND PLEASE TELL ME WHEN DID THE BRIDESMAID AND OTHER'S IN THE WEDDING PARTY HAVE TO TAKE SO MUCH CRAP? I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOUR BRIDESMAID IS YOUR SISTER AND OR YOUR BEST FRIEND AND IF I'M WRONG ON THAT, IT'S CERTAINLY SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVE,KNOW VERY WELL AND SOMEONE THAT TREATS YOU AND VICE VERSA WITH R-E-S-P-E-C-T ! TIMES HAVE REALLY CHANGED.... FOR THE WORSE!!! I WONDER HOW PEOPLE CAN PUT THEMSELVES ON NATIONAL DISPLAY AND CALL IT THE HAPPIEST TIME OF THERE LIVES. THE BRIDEZILLA SHOULD THINK ABOUT HOW SHE WANTS "HER" DAY TO LOOK THROUGH HER DAUGHTER'S EYES. THE BRIDEZILLA AND THE GROOM SHOULD PLAN ON MARRIAGE CLASSES AND HAVE A PASTOR OR SOMEONE THAT CAN GUIDE THEM BEFORE THEY TAKE MONEY THAT COULD PAY FOR A HOME INSTEAD OF BEING LOUD AND GHETTO FOR TV AND STOP BEING SO CONCERNED ABOUT CARS AND BLING. CLEARLY THE BRIDEZILLAS THAT WE SEE ON WE TV NEVER HAS PRIORITIES IN ORDER.
jen
Tue, May.26th 2009
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Number 6 is Wedding-Free Wednesdays! My fiance and I promised to keep at least one day a week to just kick back and not get snarky about everything. And so was born Wedding-Free Wednesdays. On Wednesdays the wedding is never even mentioned. We don't talk about it to each other or anyone else. If anyone calls to ask anything wedding related, we tell them to get back to us tomorrow. We just completely ignore our wedding planning for one whole day. Instead we relax, play with the dog, or do something different for dinner. Wednesday is our day to sort of remind each other why, exactly, we decided to get married in the first place. And to let us know that it may be hard sometimes but there are things that make it worth it. Wedding-Free Wednesdays are just a really good way to reconnect with the significant other as well as reality. Its good to step back and breath every so often.
DrunkenPirate
Mon, Apr.27th 2009
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I've been having cold feet about my wedding. Got back together in december - engaged in january - to be married 13th of june! All of a sudden I have all these questions, wondering about this and that - but it is not like I want to get out of it, you know? Been doing alot of reading on the internet which has helped me. And this article has helped me to relax alot about the whole thing.
Future Bridezilla
Wed, Mar.4th 2009
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For the record... it ISN'T just a party! It is the day when the two of you come together before your family, friends, and the federal government to say that you want to join your lives to each other's forever. Granted, I'm not saying that nothing else matters. You will live your married lives after the wedding is over but it is still significant. While keeping things in perspective, let's not minimize it to the point of being on the same level as your 3rd grade B-Day party at Chucky Cheese or your 21st B-Day that you still can't remember (but your friends have great pics)! Just plan ahead so that you can enjoy the event on the day rather than rushing around trying to put out fires.
Never thought it would happen
Thu, Feb.12th 2009
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God before we got started on this stuff i was all 'oh i don't have anything to worry about. she's so laid back about that sort of stuff & she really doesn't care about impressing people or anything.' WRONG. I think 3 of the last 5 days she's been 'upset' at me because i didn't want to go to the florist (which, i might add, NONE of my bro-in-laws or friends have had to do). Good God i'm just hoping that it ends with the wedding. Good luck to all you grooms out there, it's rough ride.
Peta
Fri, Jan.23rd 2009
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The "What can I do" thing is really important guys- if a man sits on his behind and doesn't lift a finger to help plan the wedding it's no wonder a woman will go spare. My fiancee keeps telling me 'all' he needs to do is turn up to the wedding. Guys, try to get this: a wedding can take up to two years to plan and there are literally hundreds of tasks involved. If you're going to be with someone forever, plan it together!
green eyed devil
Fri, Jan.16th 2009
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Bridezilla & Groomzilla will be my fiance and I. Oh' wedding planner where art thy wedding planner?!
Bride-a-rella
Mon, Dec.22nd 2008
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Ladies... listen up. It's just a party. Tell yourself this. It is just a party, it is just a party, it is just a party. The most important thing about this party is that you and your groom will soon share a last name, and a life together. Sure, you want your day to be fabulously perfect, but know that you don't have to lose your inner-beauty to get there. You have your whole life to nag, harass, and give ultimatums to your loving husband. Don't blow it all in one day. Please remember that men are not women. All they want is to marry you, maybe have some babies, and share their lives with you. Pass that on to your mom and tell her to take a ride in the back seat, because it's YOUR day.
Sun, Nov.16th 2008
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To John...a little word of advice, dont marry this chick if she's telling you that you need to find th moeny for this...its just a big party. I'm sure I'm going to get alot of flack for this, but in the end, the relationship matters more. If you and she can't have a conversation about the finances of planning a party, you never will be able to have a life together!
Future Bridezilla
Thu, Sep.25th 2008
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At this point everyone in my family knows my personality and how I feel about my wedding day when it comes. My sister and I joke regularly that right now I'm a Bridezilla in training so we've set a plan in motion already (and I'm not even engaged yet.) Weddings are about two people joining together in marriage. I won't lie and say that the wedding doesn't matter but it does. I've decided that the key to avoid becoming Bridezilla is surrounding myself with people to remind me that the wedding is about my fiance, not just about me. That way, every choice has to be agreed on by both of us. I think it is really wrong for brides to push their fiance out of the planning process entirely and it's wrong for grooms to not care at all. Granted guys you may not care if the tablecloths are white, off-white, brite white, soft white, winter white, ecru, ivory, or eggshell ... but there are other things that you can do. Help pick out the tuxes that you guys will where, help pick the colors, or have a family member read a Bible verse. Trust me, even if you don't help her agonize over every single little detail, any bride worth her salt just wants to know that you care about the special day as much as she does. I think Bridezillas happen when they feel they have to do everything all on their own or it won't get done.
Bridezilla
Mon, Aug.4th 2008
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Thanks for the description of a bridezilla. I officially self-diagnosed myself after reading this. I feel terrible for treating my fiance the way I have this past few months of wedding planning. At least I have 3 more months to redeem myself.
Wife speaking
Thu, Jul.31st 2008
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I was convinced I wasn't being a bridezilla. Now three years later, and several friend's wedding later, I'm fully aware that I was in a trance when planning my wedding. I was so focused on "PERFECT" that I couldn't even manage to understand that it was OKAY if we ended up in someone's backyard drinking out of a keg. All the details just don't matter... Long story short, I'm back to myself and realize how weird I was being. Trust me guys, your fiance's & wives will relax during the honeymoon and all will be right again!
john
Fri, May.30th 2008
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You can never know what its like to deal with bridezilla till you are the groom. I have become one of the many groom to be that has fallen over this.She is so obsessed with the wedding that she initally gave aa amazing bill to me which was totally unpayable.She then cut a few things and still its exremely high and refuses to work on a reasonable bill and now has declared "its all about the bride and i must find the money somehow". Like many who have encountered this i am thinking of calling it quits because i have a strange feeling this will continue after the wedding!
Sebastian
Tue, Apr.29th 2008
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I can't really cope with bridezilla much anymore. I went back on my anti-anxiety pills and asked my doctor to put me on Xanax or an equivalent option (I pick those up today, YAY!). She has gotten really mean and doesn't really talk or listen anymore. I am starting to get scared. I meanwhile have lost an additional 15 lbs and I am happy in that respect! I get compliements! Oh well, I might just start drinking. I hope she goes back to a kind and loving girl again after the wedding if not then I will be in for a VERY Unhappy life.
Wed, Apr.23rd 2008
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Bridzilla is determinded to make all the details of the wedding unbearable, but I will perserver!
True, sadly..
Wed, Apr.16th 2008
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Every woman has had this happen at some point or other ( wheather they will admit to it is another thing entirely..). Thank god for my fiance, who's probably used at least 3 of these tactics to keep my feet on the ground. Trust me, they work. And yes, she'll go back to normal once it's all done.
Mon, Feb.4th 2008
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The thing that really gets a bride going is feeling like she's the only one who cares about the little details. A gentle reminder that all you really need to get married is a ring and a minister and that the rest is just extra should calm her down. And really, if she can't be talked off a parry favor ledge, think long and hard about marrying her...clearly her priorities are screwed up if she's focused on ribbon and bows and not the union. It's about the marriage NOT the wedding!1
So true!
Mon, Jan.28th 2008
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Wow! I thought I was the only one who ever experienced this! Gotta keep the eye on the prize and remember why we asked them to marry us in the first place. Sometimes taking a break from the wedding and each other for a week can help.
Yikes
Sat, Jan.26th 2008
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Yeah, Bridezilla is no joke. It's tough to deal with and makes you wonder why you're marrying the person... but I'm hoping that normalcy returns after the big day... Am I right to hope? Anyone?
it is very real
Thu, Jun.7th 2007
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And Bridezilla is one thing but dealing with her mother is another.
YoursTruly
Tue, Mar.13th 2007
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Another way to deal with Bridezilla is to NOT MARRY HER. Just kidding...great article though.

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