Re: Calvin Dude man i feel you, same thing with my girl. Together for 2 years and 2 months away from the wedding. and wakes up and tells me that she cant be with me or marry me. packs up 3 garbage bags of clothes and leaves..... that was 135 days ago... and i call truly say it still hurts.... but its better then it was. I know how you feel Calvin and dont think im gonna try to change your mind about how you feel and who you love. Just remember there are guys like us all over and you gotta remember that she did this for her. She wanted to leave so she did. You have to think of what you want. sure for the first little bit not eating and staying up tell 5 am happens. But just remember when all is said and done you have you continue to live your life. Hang in there bro!

Well, in all honesty, I am only 24 and you can see my posts from like a month or so ago. My fiancee left me and has been with 2 guys now from my understanding. In your situation I would say move on. It sucks and I am still in the process of moving on but just go out and have some fun. Let someone that deserves you and will love you no matter what and won't leave you find you. Don't settle because you feel as though you are getting older, find the "one". You will be fine. Jude

Well here it goes, I got engaged January 8th and everything was fine, we were planning the perfect wedding and then out of nowhere she began picking fights about nothing and then threw the ring back at me. It's been two weeks and I still don't know what happened. She wants to explain herself, but I think taking the ring off and cancelling the wedding kinda says it all. When I asked her to marry me we were so happy and going forward with the plans. But then at almost the 6 month mark she snapped. Devistated, hurt I'm going to Tijuana to get hookers !

Well I was in Atlantic City this past week and I had a few drinks at the slots. I texted my ex fiancee who left me a month ago now (drunk texting and contacting ur x is a big mistake). Well now she talks to her ex boyfriend from years ago who cheated on her and I was sad about this, I texted her saying goodluck with him you'll need it. I lied and said I was with someone else. She surprisingly called me back and called it a bluff on my part, it was a very petty call but she admitted to me that she has been dreaming literally in her sleep avout her ex boyfriend for roughly 4 months now. My heart sank but at the same time I realized this was ridiculous, even if she's lying it's disgusting to do this to someone that loves you. She even remarked that she was hitting on the guy that i got jealous over while I was training with the army last month. So I was apparently right in my jealous intuitive worries. This whole situation sucks and I simply feel betrayed. The woman I loved is now going to be getting back with the guy that hurt her over and over again, I should be happy because he will screw it up again I would imagine, but I am not happy, I am crushed.

EP, forget that guy, that's what my ex fiancee pulled on me, they are playing us and it's better they are gone, don't wait for him to decide. You can decide too, move on. Don't take him back.

I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years, our wedding is...sorry, was set for 6/12/10. We have been engaged for the last two years. He came to me on may 3rd and said that he loved me as a friend and wasn't sure if he ever was IN love with me...it has been a week and he says that he needs time to decide if he still wants to be with me in a relationship or not. He said he wants to be 100% sure, not 75%...he also stated that he is happier than he has been for years since the wedding insn't "looming"over him anymore. He said that he may have been feeling like this for a long time but was too chicken to tell me. We own a home, vehicles, boat, animals etc....I am completely dumbfounded! Why am I still here? Why didn't I run when this man I have been with for 6 yrs all of a sudden says that he isnt sure he loves me like that? Because I love him.

I kicked him out December 2009

I met my ex-fiancee in July of 2007. She was everything I ever wanted, she was true to me (so I thought) and seemed to genuinely care. I met her after I came home from Basic training and finished my college. She always supported me. Somehow, and for some reason we began arguing over stupid crap for the last year. What culmintaed the arguing was a car crash on April 10, 2010. We hot a pole at 50mph and we walked away unhurt. She said this expereince should have broughten us close but it did not. We argued slightly over the car wreck (partly because I felt guilty). Well I went to a military school for 2 weeks and I picked a fight over something stupid. She was simply hanging out with her brothers friend who used to like her when they were kids. I made an issue of this which was a big mistake. She left me while I was training. She made a FB and now she has contacts with her ex-boyfriend. She gave the ring back to me, we both cried and I begged for a second chance. She refused, she said this has been on her mind for a while now and that I had all the chances in the World. She said she had time to realize that she cannot be happy with me. It just sucks because I feel like everything has been a lie. I feel like I deserve a chance to prove myself and my love for her. For her to talk to her ex boyfriend from 3 years ago so quickly really bothers me. She blocked me on FB even though I never contacted her on it. She has been short to the point when I've called that she is never coming back, etc. It just sucks that someone you love, even though you've argued, can just call it quits on you and abandone you. In addition to the abandonement, just the fact that 3 weeks ago you made love to this person and now they are a stranger really shakes me to the core emotionally. She even defended her ex-boyfriend when I called her to ask why he was on her FB. Its been 2 1/2 weeks and I am almost unfunctional. No motivation to work, sleep, eat, no peace of mind at all, she claimed to me when I called yesterday that "she's sleeping just fine" and that "I have to move on, there's no other choice". I have been going to bars (somehting I have never done before) and this has made everything, the depression worse. I just keep hoping she'll call in a few days, weeks or months looking to talk and get back. Everyone keeps saying though, it's over, she's never coming back, my whole life has been uprooted. I know what I have to do which is move on, but I don;t want to.

I broke up with my fiance a little over a year ago, we dated for seven years and lived togther for six of them. Im sure certain friends and family members don't understand why I did it but they were not in my shoes! I can honestly say I was very much in love with him and believe he was my soul mate. The reason why I ended our relationship is that he changed so much it was scary. He began drinking heavily and was a mean drunk, he began spending a lot of his savings and became lazy. I gave him many chances to change but he did not. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I ever will do but I knew marrying him would lead to divorce because of his drinking.sometimes people take there partner for granted..lesson never take your relationship for granted.

So it has been 4 mo since my ex-fiancee broke things off. It all happened out of the blue, no warning. Any advise as to how those of you on here have dealt with it. I find myself scared to date and trust someone again. When the one you thought was the "one", you gave your all, trusted like never before and was secure and happy...how do you let someone in again??

Adam, I am sorry that you are going through this. I not sure if you meant that your wedding is in 2 1/2 weeks. If so, I think you should talk to her. I understand you love her and it hurts, but you need to know what her thoughts are. Is post poning an option for you? Maybe ask her what are her fears if she gets married. I am really sorry that you are going through this, as I am too. I hope things work out for both of you.

Jenn, I don't have clear answers as to why we broke up. The issues we had weren't new. He did say that when he gave me the ring, he thought things were going to get better. I don't know what that meant? I NOW think it was a hush ring. I break my head every night trying to figure out just exactly what went wrong for this to happen to me. I've had to see a doctor to help me with my sleep and my anxiety. Most people tell me it's easier to point the finger than to admit fault. It's been really hard, and as the days go by some days seem to get harder. A vacation does sound good. I live in Southern Ca, not sure where you live. Everyone tells me that time will heal all pain, but why do we have to hurt so much? And how long will it take?

My ex-fiancee and I dated for 5 1/2 years and was engaged for a year. He proposed on birthday in front of our closest family and friends. I was shocked! I right away began to plan. We planned to have a big wedding this upcoming May. Like every couple we had our issues, but never in a million years did I think that I would be writing about this. About a month or so ago, I began to notice that he was pushing away and didn't bring up the wedding if I didn't. We began to fight everyday. The final straw was when we had to attend an engagement encounter and said he wasn't going. I knew there that he didn't want to marry me. We both exchanged hurtful words and called off the wedding. Since then I've tried to see if we could work it out, but he tells me that we've crossed to many boudaries. He says he Loves me, but I don't see how someone that loves me doesn't want to work it out. I am devastated and still have hope which I know I shouldn't, but I love him so much! In a month or so I have to pick up my wedding dress and I am contemplating on what to do on the wedding day. I am so hurt and don't know what to do. I have a good friends and family, but the pain is still there. I am so heart broken.

How does everyone feel about this? The engagement was broken. I realized maybe she didnt want to pursue it but I manned up and wanted to seek counseling. I want it to work, I have tried everything, and still no response. I wanted to get counseling through my church to hopefully guide us in the right direction. I wanted to make a stand and do the right thing for us. We have arguements which escalate into her blaming me and stating she is the victim. She always confides in her family over me. Its just hard because I put all my EVERYTHING into this relationship. I have done everything to try and comfort, love, care, and protect her. I give her the space she needs and I am not the type to chase girls. The way I feel is if you really want to be with me you will be there for me. If not then find someone else who will make you happy. That's what I am going to do.. God bless everyone... And merry xmas!

I recently was engaged and have been for a year. She called it off due to trust issues. I called it off because I found out infedility took place. I myself tended to her needs, comforted her, was there for her, Ran to her in the middle of the night because I missed her, held the door for her, told her sweet nothings, brought roses for no reason, and always made sure she was okay throughout the day! It happened and is a shock to my heart. It's true hurtful feelings but we can all make it through. Hope is the best of things... It never dies..

My boyfriend claimed he wanted to marry me got the ring and asked august 26th. I always said I never wanted to get married but he changed that. He announced it on facebook. I asked him 3 times if he was sure. He looked me in the eye and lied to me. So while he's telling all my friends, family I'm wearing the ring all along looking like a fool because he decided he never wants to get married. He broke it off 3 weeks latier. But he wants us to be together forever. When I told him that I couldn't continue on without a real future he changed never to someday. Why make a point to embarrass me? Than he wants to take a vacation to our wedding destination. I'm only going there to get married. I love him but this isn't working for me anymore. I'm hurt, I've tried letting it go but I seriously wanted to marry him. Why can't he let me go if I'm not good enough. Our friends got engaged a few days ago and I'm jealous I'm never jealous. I hate feeling like this. Don't ask if you don't mean it! I'll never marry him now I have no trust for him. Without trust there is nothing.

I propsed to my girlfriend back in April. We had been together for just over a year but knew each other in high school. She wanted to get married pretty quickly for a few reasons. 1.) She was 31 at the time and wanted to start her married life right away 2.) Her grand parents are both sick, one with Cancer and one with late stage Alzheimer's and she wanted them to see their only granddaughter get married 3.) She wanted a Fall or Spring wedding. She began to target the Fall, which gave us about 6 months to plan a wedding in a differnet state (about 400 mi away) than we lived. I tried to tell here I wasn't comfortable with scheduling a wedding that quick and told her that we needed to get to know each other better, enjoy the engagement and that booking a venue in that time would be very tough and stressful. She told me many times that she really wanted her grandmother there to see her get married before she lost her memory for good. That made me feel really guilty despite my feelings about having the Fall wedding. I knew how important is was for her to have her grand parents there and it wasn't something that I was going to argue with so I agreed to a Fall wedding. Throughout our 1 yr., my girlfriend and I had a few disagreements and I had raised my voice or yelled at her 4 times. Two of the times that I yelled at her were for reasons that I really made up in my head without trying to talk to her. I assumed things. The last time I yelled at her was the worst. I really screamed at her outside on the street at night with people around. I called her a liar but did not call her any bad names. I was really upset and frustrated. After that, I confessed to her that during my last relationship I had gotten into a lot of arguements with my ex. I even told her that my parents divorce was especially difficult. My parents argued and yelled a lot and I told her I saw my Dad grab and push my Mom but never saw him hit her. I also told her that the same happened with my ex. She seeked my ex out and talked to her witout me knowing and without my permission. My ex told her more details. Some details describing one moment that was more than just grabbing or pushing. I pulled my ex's pony tail and threw her to the floor and kicked her in her thigh. I also pushed her once and she had high heels on while standing on the tile floor. Her shoes made it very difficult to get a grip and she fell back on her but pretty hard and I think she bumped her head on the wall too. Her lower back really hurt her. I felt really bad for bother instances. So back to my fiance. After she heard this, she decided to cancel the wedding. I foudn out she talked to my ex months later. Things made much more sense after I found out. I actually wasn't mad. I was kind of relieved. I never touched, threatened or called my finace bad names. I only yelled or screamed a few times. After trying to work on the yelling/anger problem my former fiance decided the best way to stop the cycle we were in was to leave me a note on the kitchen table and take off somewhere for a weekend. She broke up with me through a letter. She took off without letting me know where and didn't tell me when she'd be back. She told me later she was at her parents' 400 miles away. She also took me, my family and all my friends off of Facebook without notice. We stopped dating (took a break but agreed not to see other people) for a little while. A few weeks later she moved from less than a mile away to about 60 miles away. After about 2 months we began seeing each other gradually. During this time, I enrolled myself in one of the best abusive education programs in the country and we are now seeing each other full time again. During this time, I have caught her in a couple of lies/omission of information. One of them about having dinner with a guy that has/had interest in her a few years ago, the other about leaving the country for one and a half weeks during the time our wedding would have been without telling me. She wasn't going to tell me she was going to Africa. Yes, Africa. Who does that? We were back seeing each other on a pretty regular basis when she did this. I guess I am just wondering what extreme things happen for weddings to be cancelled and if this is extreme enough. I realize that maybe I do have a problem and am happy that she helped me realize this. However, was the way she dealt with it necessary? Why does she keep running away without telling me? Why does she go to such extremes? Am I off base?

My fiance called off our wedding TWO HOURS prior to the event. I was getting ready to get in my dress, when he calls me on my cell and tells me. He came to tell me in person but his cousins did much of the talking for him -- he just sat there and cried and shook like a child. His whole family knew the wedding was off before I did. We had argued several times over wedding stress and getting everything done in the week prior to the wedding and he said "couples don't fight." Initially that is why he said he called it off. No one could rationalize with him and he left town without meeting with me in person again like he had promised numerous times. Weeks later he started accusing me of lying about things I never lied about and has been really nasty and critical to me. He recently said that he had thought about calling off the wedding for awhile -- then why did he wait until two hours before? He even had to travel from back east to get married and all his family had to travel also. I don't know what to think at this point. My friends say he is a coward and I have to agree with them. But the worst part of this is that I was supposed to move with him after we got married. I was being laid off end of September and we were supposed to be married early September -- so now I am still here with no job, very little savings, and no health insurance. I had broken my leg and would have been in my cast for the wedding - he left me with a broken leg too. It has been over two months since he ran away -- he went back to being a resident physician -- his life wasn't interrupted at all -- except when he went on the honeymoon. I am working hard to get my life back together and be stronger than I was before.

My fiance called off our wedding TWO HOURS prior to the event. I was getting ready to get in my dress, when he calls me on my cell and tells me. He came to tell me in person but his cousins did much of the talking for him -- he just sat there and cried and shook like a child. His whole family knew the wedding was off before I did. We had argued several times over wedding stress and getting everything done in the week prior to the wedding and he said "couples don't fight." Initially that is why he said he called it off. No one could rationalize with him and he left town without meeting with me in person again like he had promised numerous times. Weeks later he started accusing me of lying about things I never lied about and has been really nasty and critical to me. He recently said that he had thought about calling off the wedding for awhile -- then why did he wait until two hours before? He even had to travel from back east to get married and all his family had to travel also. I don't know what to think at this point. My friends say he is a coward and I have to agree with them. But the worst part of this is that I was supposed to move with him after we got married. I was being laid off end of September and we were supposed to be married early September -- so now I am still here with no job, very little savings, and no health insurance. I had broken my leg and would have been in my cast for the wedding - he left me with a broken leg too. It has been over two months since he ran away -- he went back to being a resident physician -- his life wasn't interrupted at all -- except when he went on the honeymoon. I am working hard to get my life back together and be stronger than I was before.

Your Comments There is a lot of pressure in society for women to get married, so believe me, if she dumped you, it's because you REALLY deserved it. She is basically saying that she would rather go through the completely exhausting experience of finding another right guy, getting to know him, getting to know his family, and taking all of the attendant changes with him, than spending any more time with YOU, the one she's already got. You clearly screwed up royally if she was willing to take that coveted ring off her finger and tell you to shove it.

It may hurt but in most of these cases if not all the 'supposed' dumped party is better off. This is too logical for most -if you want a marriage of respect and consideration towards each other then you want a person that knows they want to be with you and you with her/him. You don't want someone that wants to party all the time, spend beyond means, is irresponsible, has no concerns for your feelings, or in any way is disillusioned. Pick your spouse very, very carefully!

im getting married next year and im getting cold feet, i love him very much but im watching him more closely lately and im asking myself is he enough and could i really spend the rest of my life with him. he isnt the type to show his emotions and when i confront him about this he gets annoyed and says he is who he is and isnt going to change, and that i knew what he was like before we decided to get married and thats just the way he is. i know its true but since setting the date all his flaws are a real issue for me.im trying to get past this but its eating me up

My fiance and I got engaged 2 months ago and i'm thinking of breaking it off. His parents are control freaks that want to run our lives - and he doesnt see anything wrong with that. I love him but deep down i know that there is something wrong and i wish i was stronger to walk away. Each passing day becomes more and more difficult living together. very confused.

I recently broke our engagement. Although we are still dating things are not the same. I'm dating a 2 time divorcee, unfortunately for me I guess. When we started dating 3 & 1/2 years ago we talked about what we wanted in our relationship. We even talked about marriage, then for Christmas 2 years ago he proposed, I didn't ask I wasn't expecting it. Last year we started talking about dates possibly in 2009 or 2010, all of a sudden he started getting cold feet. Now he says that he doesn't want to get married now, but we will eventually get married. I broke down it was like I could literally feel my heart shatter, he couldn't tell me when NOW would be, so I told him 2 weeks ago that he doesn't have to worry about it, we're not engaged anymore, he doesn't have to call me his fiance anymore, I'm simply his girlfriend for NOW! I'm not sure where we will be next month.

Anne, I'm so sorry. I am still engaged but who know for how long. My fiance cannot make up his mind and it's driving me crazy (actually I believe he doesn't want to be the one responsible for officially ending it so he's making my life hell). At any rate we've been together for 4 1/2 years, and living together for 2 1/2 years now which complicates everything and just generally sucks. We don't even talk anymore and we share the same apartment...it's torture. I just need to end it, but I'm weak and that's all there is to it. I'm weak and pathetic as hell. Good luck to everyone else. Never in a million did I see myself where I am today, and it's all my fault.

I just broke off three days ago, my engagement to a very lovely man named Mitch. He's like the best guy in the world. We'd known each other a very long time, but only started dating seriously two months ago and then got engaged two weeks ago. He has hardly any flaws, and I have never once criticized him. He is trustworthy, responsible, and fun (to a point). The problem: He does not accept me the way I am. I am a good, kind woman and a very hard worker, but I have a host of problems like drink too much sometimes, and don't pay my bills like I should. I've always been like this. When I was a kid all I wanted to do was play outside. Who we were as children says a lot about who we are today! Anyway, it is paramount in a relationship that the would-be-spouses accept each other, flaws and all. OR else get out of the relationship and move on to someone you can indeed accept, just as they are. I'm heartsick about this but at least relieved that we won't have to go through a divorce later on down the road because he just cannot accept me the way I am. Never try to change a person. It only will destroy love down the road.

My fiance just ended our 5 yr relationship. We were buying a house which I knew he didn't want and he was just going along with it to please me. Our wedding was canceled as the airline went bust, so at least I don't need to cancel it. We were living together 3 years and I miss him so much. He says he still loves me but he knows we are not right for each other anymore. We canceled the house and I know it was a mistake I made to push him for it, but its gone now. I wish he could just fight for us.

My fiance and I are 4 yrs apart. Everyone always said he was to young for me that it wouldnt work. Of corse he said they didnt know him and his love for me. We were engaged for 2 years and three months before our june wedding he tells me he cant!! That he needed time and I said fine well!!! He said he couldnt marry in june and that he needs to be on his own for a while but that he still loves me and that I am the woman he wants to marry he just wants to finish other things first. He promises me we will get back together he just cant say when!!! No house was bought he was living woth my mom and I for almost 2years. So I told him I love him and maybe Ill be here maybe I wont but, Iam a basket case! I can hardly eat not sleep, but I have wonderful family and friends to help. But Iam not convinced I can do this moving on that everyone says I need to do,that doesnt even seem possible right now. I cant stop thinking about it and what am I gonna do that day of our supposed wedding? HELP

I am considering calling off our engagement. Before we got engaged and at the beginning of the engagement we still spent a lot of 'couple' time together doing things. Now the wedding is like an excuse for him to play his video games all the time. We work different hours so I think it would be nice if he would play during the day while I'm at work and while he's at work I would do some of the wedding planning. I think the few hours a day we have together we should do something together....instead he plays all day while I'm gone and then comes home shoves his food in and plays his games again because his friends are on more at night than during the day. The weekends are pretty much the same. He will go food shopping with me or whatever errands I need to get done, but then he's itching to get home and play his games again. I feel like I'm no longer important to him. This past valentine's day was the first day in a looooong time that we actually did something together that wasn't a chore or an errand! He argues with me every time I try telling him how I feel about it. I'm not sure it's worth the frustration anymore but I know that I don't want my life to be like this. I don't want to be married to someone who cares more about his online friends and games than his wife....or should I say just some lady who cooks and cleans for him...that's what I really feel like. I've already taken my ring off. We had a fight about it today in our passing between me getting home from work and his leaving. If things don't come to a compromise this weekend, I think this has to be it. I'm getting depressed over this.

My brother's fiance told him two weeks before the wedding that she has "fallen out of love with him". My baby borther spent 12 months of their engagement lavishly adorning her with gifts he could barely afford...50-60 thousand dollars worth of jewelry; their tickets to trip to europe; her shopping with his credit card that he is still paying up for ... she doesn't work; he supports them both. everyone in the family could see she is too much of a flake except him... now he is heartbroken. See from the get go that the person you are trying to hook up with is a responsible person in other ways!

My fiance just broke things off with me. We've been dating for about 7 years and living together for the last year. She says that this is not the life she pictured and wanted to still have fun and party it up. Well, both our names are on our lease so I'm trying to find options out. She sleeps in the guestroom now and parties 24/7. It's not enough that she broke everything off with me, I have to see her daily too.

All this is about a woman calling off an engagement/wedding that was set....here it is a week before Thanksgiving and MY wedding was set for Christmas Eve! Last Sat we were to meet with the reverand for the preparations and to schedule a rehearsal...3 hours before we were supposed to meet the reverand, my fiance who has been living with me in MY apartment (yes, he has a job, a very good paying job he got 3 1/2 months ago with my prodding him and who asked me to marry him sept 20 and we set the date oct 28!) tells me he wants to HOLD OFF on the wedding...it turns out he's NOT READY TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! NOw he wants to postpone it until Valentine's Day next year. I agree with Josie....HE wants to postpone it....wants to still be engaged and still wears the band I gave him constantly...but the thing is...I don't TRUST him anymore. HOw do I KNOW he won't do it again? After all the time, money, effort, embarrasment to friends, family and guest who were planning to come?

My fiance called off our engagement in June. We bought a house ten months before we got engaged. I did my due diligence in that she said she wanted to get married, have kids, etc, etc. She talked about our lives together all the time. She even invited my parents to meet her parents before we got engaged and told my mom "the families need to meet before we get engaged and married" Anyway, she flaked out in June. Don't talk to her. No reason to. All I need is for my name to be removed from the mortgage. In any case, it was a bad experience which I learned from. Someone better will come along. I am sure of it.

My son's fiance' just told him last night that she wants to postpone the wedding because she isn't ready. She says she still wants to be engaged. The wedding is 6 weeks away. What do you think he should do. I myself don't see how he can trust her after this because he will be afraid that she will pull this again