Ive been with my finace for 4 years and we bought a house together 3 years ago, weve been engaged for 16 months now. We are suppose to get married Sept 4 whch is a month away. Ive been having second thoughts as it seems the closer to the wedding we get the more fights we have...he just seems more disrespectful, arrogant and miserable and Im not happy either. He works out of town 4 days a week and sometimes i secretly wish he was gone longer as when he comes back its just a mood drainer. I love living by myself for those 4 days and im happy. I feel horrible for even saying this! I love him, I really do but I just dont know if im in this relationship because i feel stuck and afraid or if its because i really do care about him. I dont want to be another statistic of a divorced couple but i also dont want to break off the wedding.... its just so much work and time and money and i want to experience the bid day... im just not so sure anymore

we been on and off for two years now i had 2 other relationships and he dated and slept with other people too, no we got back together we been together for 5 months he proposed a month ago i said yesssss and we been fighting like crazy all he does is rub shit in my face about my ex bf and obviously it seems like he doesn't trust me ....he says he does ... but i don't think so... he is a great guy very good personality, he comes from a very nice family too, but he is very obcessiv he doesn't want me to have facebook or to have friends or to even have time to c my gfs... i;m sick of this... we found the venue and he pay the deposit already i bought my dress and everything is almost ready we get married in 2 months and am not sure of the step am making in my life i have feelings for him i care about him but i don't think am in love i think he needs to overcome alot f things first in order to b ready for a such a big step... i want a lifetime marriage not a 3 month marriage .... i still look at other guys feel attracted to other man.... and i feel bad for this i feel like am mentally cheatin on him i don't knoe what to doooo am desperate!!! feedback plz...

I can't believe that the guy I used to go out with who has continued to see me behind his girlfriend's back, is now going to marry her. He actually proposed to her the same weekend we last slept together. He has never been able to give me up and yet he will now have to since making this decision. Every time we break up, he misses me and desperately wants to sleep with me again and we end up getting back together. Well, Steve, it's finally over b/w us YOU HAVE BLOWN IT NOW!!!!!!!!

Ive been with a guy For three years I never loved but is my best friend. He has put up with me through a bit and vice versa. But i want real love. not security, he proposed 5 months ago but i dont know how to get out of it seeing as we already had an engagement party and presents. Should i gve them back and look like a fool? im scared. Hes been away for a month for work.. im supposed to go and see him next week. Truth is ive never sexually wanted him. And im so young. email me at your_my_epiphany@hotmail.com

Got engaged w/in 5 weeks of meeting. He's not divorced yet. Will be in a few weeks from now. In the meantime, my ex of 3 yrs, disclosed his love for me and I DO miss our life together. We had difficulties during our 3 yr relationship (engaged to him once too). Difficulties stemmed from his pre teen daughter controling him hence:controling our relationship. He had the "guilty daddy syndrom" due to his wife (her mom) passing away when she was 6 so he had this unhealthy guilt to make her happy every second of ecvery minute of everyday. This took so much of his energy that left nothing for me/us. She ultimately, pursuaded him I'm an obsticle to her happiness and the depth of his didication & promise he made to his dying wife (she died in his arms), he couldn't bare the thought of letting her or his daughter down so...he became a jerk...in every sense of the word. (He was 49, almost 50 at this time). He hurt me with words, de-valued me (I'm 44, was married for 22 yrs, divorced for 6 yrs), pacified me as she (his daughter) had the final say to our daily happenings because it always revolved around her. I love her but coulnd't stand for her to control us any longer. I called it off. Met this man a few months later, (he still married but seperated for 3 months at that time). With in 5 weeks, he proposed with an incredibly beautiful ring. I said yes. Not the best answer since 5 weeks....how could I possible know him on the level to know whether I love him and vice versa. Fast forward....here we are - wedding planned for July 10th, bought my dress, venue paid for, etc...(Did I mention, this will be his 3rd marriage)? My ex has disclosed to me that he has made huge strides toward recognizing how unhealthy his relationship w/his daughter was and has become her "father' and not her best friend, always trying to make her happy. He realizes but talking to our pastor, reading "self help" books, google etc...on exactly where he went wrong and what ultimately led to our demise and vowed he will NEVER go back to those dillusional thoughts of the way he "thought" it was suppose to be. Anyway...I have had the past 10 days to put some real thought into which direction I should go b'cuz my fiance had been out of town on a fishing trip with his dad, brother (boys yearly trip) allowing me some real time to put some thought into this decision. He is a great guy...really he is BUT.....my thoughts are...he hasn't had time to himself as a single man, not sure who is as a man and not a husband to a controlling woman (and she was). I know I took 6 yrs to discover me as a person and not a wife before I committed to my next relationship and thankful I did. I could type for days but...I really really want to get some feedback TODAY. I'm going to have this conversation with my fiance TODAY. This is killing me to hold it in. Help?

So heres the situation I'm in. My ex boyfriend has been engaged to his fiance(they've been dating 5 months, engaged for 1) and they're planning on getting married this august. We met up a few weeks back to have the "closure" that we deserved as far as being friends and a couple and for me to let him move on(we've been in that in between stage for the past year, on and off). Well things happened that was more than "closure" and a talk. His fiance has no idea, and he talks to me behind her back. Girl to girl, I feel obligated to tell her, but I don't want to lose him because at the least, hes my best friend. I don't know if he still has feelings for me or what, but I have a hard time he is ready to get married to her this August, especially after getting divorced last year. What do i do?

Hey my problem is really big for starters he doesn't want to go over any of the wedding plans at all. I have been footing the bill for our wedding. We were suppose to have gotten married in August of this year but he called it off. Now it's back on for July 16, 20011 i really think he does want me around anymore especially marring me and that really hurts me to my heart and soul. What should i do...

I am engaged for 8 months now. He is very lazy does not like to work and drinks to much. All he cares about is his family. He is very immature andhas no responsabilities. When i speak to him he does not listen he thinks im joking and that i will not leave him. i love him and amd very used to him, he is not a bad person but he has no goals, i do not want to waste my time with some one who will not work with me for a better future. we live together in my moms house. i amplanning to move in one month but i know i will have to support him. i just dont think its fair. i love him but dont know if it is enough. life is to short to be unhappy but i do not want to start over..........

Well, I am in a pickle... I have been with my fiancé for over 10 years off and on.. She broke off an engagement over 6 years ago and I asked her again 1 year ago. I felt a little pushed but I did it anyways.. I have 2 children with her and during our 2 year split, I started to see another woman. When I did I felt like I was in love again and everything clicked, she wanted to become more involved with my son and I wasn't sure if it was the right time and that started to break her and I up. She felt like I wouldn’t let her in so we broke and she moved back home. We haven’t spoke in 2 years and out of the blue she contacted me and told me that she needed to see me and that she had to before I was married. Well I did that, we spoke and talked about our break. Well now I am all confused with 3 months to go until I walk down the isle, and I and we have shelled out a ton of money along with her parents.. I feel like crap and I have no idea what I should do at this point. I have been talking to my ex and she believes that I am doing this to be a proper father to my children and I do in a way. but I love my fiancé, but I care about my ex also. I have not felt a spark with my fiancé in a long time, but I had that spark with my ex.. I know that I have a ton of people telling me not to get married and now its in my face and too late.. I love my children and wouldn’t know what to do without them, I also don't want to hurt my fiancé. Any advice???

I've been engaged to a guy for one year now. We dated for less than a year before we got engaged. Hormones were raging and we would only have sex if we made a covenant saying that we would spend the rest of our lives together, so I agreed. Now all we do is fight, and like my last relationship, I kept falling out of love. I had no desire to be in that relationship. There are times when we talk about the future, kids and a house and all, and I'm so excited about it. But my mood doesn't always permit his annoyingness and he seems to try and push my buttons and then turns it around on me and blames me for every fight that happens. Shouldn't he know by now that around certain times, it's best to NOT joke around or say something stupid? At the moment, I do not want to be in this relationship. I would like to study abroad, and he has tried to control me in so many ways. He doesn't like me having male friends, and didn't want me to share rides home with my guy friends that live in the same area. My mom says he rushed the promise ring, the engagement ring, and that he's pushed me to get married after he graduates instead of after I graduate because he's afriad I might leave him. He's a great Christian guy 98% of the time. The other 2% I question. Things are so two-sided with him. I can't hang out with friends that drink or cuss or party, but he can. He can say certain words, but I can't. I'm so afraid that my mom is right. If this is the way he acts now, then what will it be like once we are married? He already expects so much of my time and attention that it's really difficult for me to have any friends at all. If he calls, he expects me to drop everything I'm doing and talk to him, even if I haven't been out with my friends in a long time, which is usually the case. But when I call and he's busy... I have to call back later. And when I say I have to go and work on something or need to talk to someone, he doesn't let me get off the phone, then 2 minutes later he's like "Alright, well I have to go". How can I keep from going back and forth here? One day I absolutely love him, and the next day I resent him for the way he has made me regurtitate every single detail of my one previous relationship. He makes me send nasty pictures of myself (he says so he doesn't have to look at porn) and I absolutely hate doing it. He says if I ever break up with him he will put them all over the internet. His family is so nice to me, and my family hates him. What in the world do I do??? Can anyone offer me some sort of advice?????

My fiance and I have been together for over a year. He proposed on a postit note...that's right ladies he wrote, honey i love you will you marry me with the ring tapped to the back. Mind you this was 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. Granted I did see the sales slip after the fact and he did purchase it before we found out. All we do is argue, I'm not working right now and I think he resents me because I'm not putting in my fair share when it comes to the bills, and we have some debt to get out of. We haven't had sex since I found out I was pregnant, he's not attracted to me at all...can I blame him? We went to my sisters wedding and all he could do is stare at other women. Bottom line is there is no passion what so ever on both our ends...what does one do? The ring is beautiful.

Your Comments i been with my boyfriend for 6in a half years i have 4kids wit him and 2 from someone elfs he have to outside of us as well he ask me to marry him 3times and i never answer him well he went to jail and ask me again and i said no then he begg me so i said yes the thing is he cheated on me and he keep female friend and he never take me anywhere i love him but im scared that he would hurt me what you thin i should do

I proposed to my GF almost 2 months ago, I I've always shared with her anything she wanted to know. However, it's not always the same with her. She won't share even small things like her past crushes etc. I just would like some input on if I should be concerned that she is hesitant to share with me small things of that nature or if this may be a problem later on. I just feel iffy about it all if I share with her whatever she asks, but she hesitates or doesn't want to. Maybe I'm worrying to much, but this does bother me.

I think it is hard to find someone you are compatible enough to make a marriage work and be happy in it, man or woman. Some men in this article think it is a woman's fault, but they have not been in long-term relationships with men and therefore do not understand how difficult it can be. That being said, I think that you should not get married to anyone you are not compatible with enough to be happy in the marriage. You should also wait to get married for seven years. And leave a relationship that is unhealthy.

@ J: Dude. You sound like a typical chauvinist controller: your fiancee can't have male friends? Can't join a website as innocent as facebook? And you're already assuming that she'll be "raising the kids" and also that you have the right to dictate how she does so? You need some therapy, and she needs to do a 180 and get the hell out of your relationship.

What about the guy who proposes out of guilt? What do you do then? You get engaged because you feel awful having an affair with someone else, and you don't want to lose your girl, so you propose. When the excitement dies, you're left in the same relationship that drove you to cheat to begin with, only now you also have a fiancee. You didn't want to hurt her, now you're stuck with her. She's a sweet girl with very few friends and just wants to get married. She doesn't fit in with my friends and they make snide comments behind her back, saying she's low class and not very bright. My family is keeping their mouths shut but have made comments in the past that I am dumbing down to be with her. She's very small town and not sophisticated or cultured. I don't know what to do because I do love her, and I really don't want to have to be single again.

I don't know if my problem is as bad as the one mentioned but I am still left feeling like I should move on. Before meeting my fiancee I was a single man with no children. My fiance has 3 children and was married before for 15 years. The ex constantly interferes using his children to create havoc and her and I are arguing every other day now over just plain communication issues. She likes to work out our problems herself and come back to me with the solution. I am constantly living down the antics she went through with her ex.

i have so many doubts!!!i dont know whether to call it off or getting married. i got engaged in april and we're supposed to get married in december. its been a long distance relationship, he is in the military and im in a foreign country. im unsure if i'll be able to coupe with him being away for so long. i dont love him, but he is in love with me, he is indeed mr. perfect, i feel guilty for having all this doubts!!! should i call it off or ask him for more time to think? he is deployed right now, should i make him a comment about my current feelings or should i wait for him to get back?? please PLEASE advise!!!

I am getting married after 3 months to my college sweetheart and I have realised that my partner does not love me at all.Everytime we get into an argument he says things like "I never wanted to be with you" "I was happier without you". We have had 3 break ups in 2 years and came back because he wanted to, I feel its bcoz of family pressure. I feel he likes someone else but he denies it. I know he speaks to her everyday but when I ask him he says he has'nt spoken to her for a long time. I have even seen calls made to her from his cell without him knowing and the next day he deletes them. Our 1st break up was bcoz of her and so were the rest. It hurts to know that he is lying to me bcoz of her. I asked him if he wants to marry me and he said "It does not make a difference anymore". During his working days he does not like speaking to me nor does he want me to call him. I don't want to marry him bcoz I know he is not happy with me and he will never be no matter what I do to keep him happy. I don't know how to break this wedding off bcoz I have hurt my parents thrice already (bcoz of the last 3 breakups), I NEED TO FIND A SOLUTION URGENTLY BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE. Please Help Me.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do! I wouldn't wish breaking off a wedding on anybody. Such a tragic shame, I love him very much, but I couldn't see the marriage lasting forever. We were due to be married in 10 weeks time.....

he asked me twice.. i said yes twice.. but he's always throwing money and work in my face.. i work alot to make money to afford the things he wants or wants to do. hes very protective and controling, everyone says he has cheaters guilt bc he's done it so many times in the 9 years we've been together. we just built our dream home and plan to get married in april, but all he does is pick on me, tell me he's "done" for me to leave and leave the ring behind... part of me wants to leave, but the other part wants to stay.. he goes through these moments where he doesnt want me around.. and a few days later he loves me again... I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE... stick it out and hope he grows the hell up or leave.. and never look back????? HELP!!!! Mandola4800@yahoo.com

Just broke off my engagement. We were dating for 1 year and then got engaged. It was sort of a situation where she was going to break up with me or we had to get married. I love her very much but have big worries about being married and think that I would not react well to it. I was not interested or happy about planning the wedding. Felt tremendous anxiety even though the family situation is great and everyone is for the marriage. Loved by both sets of parents and we are very compatible. Feel tremendous sadness but also relief at some deep level. Will be lonely from here on out without her. But it is better than getting divorced.

Your Comments. My ex boyfried is getting married in 2-weeks and i am hurt .I know he love me we talk he tould me but he is marrying her becaused she has a 3-month old son for him. Question do u think he should marry her ? he likes her becaused she is his child mother and she is good for him.I still love him. D.

Hi all. It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to. I am from Cambodia and also now am reading in English, give true I wrote the following sentence: "Daily news on airlines, discount airfare sales, helping you find cheapest airline tickets for international and domestic flights." Thank you so much for your future answers 8). Stu.

I am engaged to a guy who has been abusive and controlling in the past. He broke up with me many times and then contionued to come and beg me to take him back. I always did because i love him. during our last break up i met somebody who is great treats me like a queen. respects me and i started liking him a lot. My fiance came back and asked me to marry him. I said yes because it has been 4 years of a relationship...allthough on and off. Recently my fiance has gone back to his old ways being verbally abusive and a controlling jerk. I stropped talking to the other guy but think of him a lot. I cant take my fiance going back to his old ways. Deep down inside i want to let him go but its so hard and now all our friends and family know we are engaged. What do i do??

i got engaged last summer, 2008. its all arranged by my family. i really dont like the guy but they force me to do it. he is very educated but he is not attractive at all. what should i do now?? help me. i am getting married with him winter 2009.

Engaged in end of Oct. 2008. We plan on me moving in with him in mid Jan. 2009. We pack up my apt on a Sunday then go to lunch and have a nice normal day. The following Friday he picks a fight then eventually blurts out we are moving too fast and dont move in right now. Looking back the month of Dec. he started getting "grouchy" and picky. I unpack my things and stay put and it gets worse. Then he stops returning calls, text etc. We stop having sex. Im sick about this and he wont tell me the truth as to why. Makes excuses about busy work schedule, says we argue, he's in a daze, and unsure right now. Ive tried to talk to him but he is now in total avoid mode. Days ago was our last time talking to eaach other and he asked for the ring back to sell it or I pay him for 1/2 of it. Im in shock and still wearing it and refuse to let him take it back, especially to sell it. What should I do from here?

People... everyone is different... if true love is there... u think some minor things will stop u? NO it wont... love makes people blind... try again.. start afresh... If anything Email: crazy_guardian_angel@hotmail.com

I've been engaged this march, and I remembered 2 days b4 the engagement we had a huge fight regards to the preparation and he started shouting and throwing things ard, I cried thru-out the night and we have another fight the next day b4 the ceremony he kept screaming n banging the steering wheel while in the car and I walked out of the car and walked home..tearing. My friends told me to hold but I still went on with the ceremony cos too much had been done and my parents flew all the way fm overseas to attend. He promised he will control his temperament and be more understanding. Done with the ceremony everything went great, we went on a short trip and were having fun. Days, weeks , mths went by, his temperament become worse, he like calling me names, started cursing me, hitting me(but not serious). When he is in good mood, he's very loving, we do things and go places together. I always follow his suggestions and when I have mine, most of the time he gave negative remarks. We planned to have our customary marriage next November. M excited I want to have the a memorable wedding cos is once in a lifetime, I've be doing research, but when I told him abt my plan, he just being un-supportive and told me he dosent want to spend extra $ cos no1 will remember after that. All I ask for is an extra 1K out of our shared account, is that too much ? I cant take it anymore, I really cannot picture myself with this guy for the rest of my life. I told him off today, and ended it. He told me not to regret. What have I done wrong to deserve this? :(

Your CommentsHere's my situation: I've been seeing a wonderful man for almost exactly 3 years now! I have never met anyone that I get along with better, have so much in common with and who I feel is nearly perfect for me! We have both been married before (his divorce about 4 1/2 years ago, mine 8 years ago). This last New Years Eve, we got engaged. It wasn't exactly the most romantic proposal but he proposed and it's now been a little over 8 months since then. We had talked of getting engaged months before and picked out a ring together. He was a little hesitant during that process but he finally did it! When he proposed, he had stalled for atleast a few months before asking. I slightly hinted around and although it was a bit rushed, he proposed right before we left to go to a concert. Okay. After that, within a couple of months, I gently started bringing up the whole wedding planning topic. I researched everything! I would tell him as I did this but he didn't seem to interested! When I found a few locations to check out, he would be reluctant more than half the time, citing that "it was his day off. He wanted to do something else", comment. After viewing about 10 locations over the months, he finally somewhat agreed to a venue and after we visited it, he soon put down the deposit. This was in early May of this year. I had proposed the end of October as the wedding date and it was locked in! I thought things were finally moving along! Well, a week after we put down the deposit and I secured a caterer, he came over and told me that "we have to talk". He explained briefly that because he had just recently (a month before) been given a job promotion and was taking on more stressfull issues, he thought that the wedding date was too soon. He would not give me an alternate date estimate. We fought a little over this and I actually wouldn't see him for 4 days. When we finally spoke again, I asked him just WHEN he would be willing to plan a date. He wouldn't be specific so I suggested we wait 3 months. After the 3 months, we would resume our planning of the wedding and pick a date...perhaps next year in Spring. He agreed and even said "As long as you don't bug me during that time". I patiently waited the 3 months and brought up the topic again this Sept 2nd. We were driving to the store and I mentioned that it had been 3 months and could we discuss a new wedding date. He actually said that he didn't remember setting any kind of date to discuss a new plan. I couldn't believe it! I got so angry when we returned back to my place that I slammed the door exclaiming "Why did you ever give me a ring anyways?" Well that was last Tuesday nigh. It is now Saturday night and I haven't heard one word from him! The last time that had happened, 3 months ago, I had made the first move and called him after 4 days. My pride tells me that I will not contact him first this time. It also tells me that he is the one being cruel, not me. So, that basically sums it up. I Love this man and I'm so surprised at his actions! I don't want to threaten or give ultimatums but I have absolutely NO idea what to do! I'm not sure when I will hear from him as I plan on not making the first move. When we do speak, what can I say or do to fix this situation? Do you think this is a lost cause and that I should just bail? Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me!! I haven't been able to eat much in days and I'm crying all the time!

1 Week from the wedding and I dont want to because he is so verbally abusive. Punching walls is not helping either when he gets mad. We love eachother dearly but he has these evil sides. I know breaking the wedding off is the right thing to do.

he asked me twice.. i said yes twice.. but he's always throwing money and work in my face.. i work alot to make money to afford the things he wants or wants to do. hes very protective and controling, everyone says he has cheaters guilt bc he's done it so many times in the 9 years we've been together. we just built our dream home and plan to get married in april, but all he does is pick on me, tell me he's "done" for me to leave and leave the ring behind... part of me wants to leave, but the other part wants to stay.. he goes through these moments where he doesnt want me around.. and a few days later he loves me again... I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE... stick it out and hope he grows the hell up or leave.. and never look back????? HELP!!!! Mandola4800@yahoo.com

You can tell which posts are from women. If a man is pressured this is what happens ladies pay attention.

Why let yourself get into this mess? If you are really thinking clearly, you don't pop the question and pull out later. just my 2 cents

Ziggy81 - I bet it happens with people who get engaged after a short period of dating time. Plus - in terms of the ring, you get to have it back. I think there's an article on this site about that. I think it's a marriage law question!