home > the engagement > are you sure you're ready to get married?

[+] considerations for the prospective groom

- gut check: are you  sure you are ready to get married?

- how do i know she's the one?

[+] all the groom needs to know about engagement rings

- a groom's guide to engagement rings

- diamond-buying

- do you need GIA-certified diamonds?

- buying an engagement ring online

- surprise ring or blank check?

- how much should a groom spend on an engagement ring?

- engagement ring price calculator

[+] popping the question

- should the groom ask the father-in-law for permission?

- popping the question

- marriage proposal stories

[+] "pre" marriage things

- the prenuptial agreement

- pre-marital counseling

- pre-marital financial planning

a second marriage for the groom?

engagement announcements

the engagement party

dealing with cold feet or wedding jitters

dealing with bridezilla


a las vegas wedding

the name change: sometimes touchy

backing out of your wedding: a survival manual

your fiancée called off the engagement

tax consequences of getting married

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gut check: are you sure you
are ready to get married?
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In the movies, wedding proposals often come as a complete shock to women. You've seen it: a romantic comedy with a closing scene set at a Yankees game on a warm summer night. The camera pans to the scoreboard, which suddenly reads: "Jessica, will you marry me? Love Paul," and Paul, now on bended knee, in the bleachers, pulls a perfect, large rock out of his pocket and says "Well?" Section 18 begins chanting "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Jessica says yes, though she had no idea Paul had this love for her. And so they live happily ever after...for the remaining 15 minutes of the movie.

In real life, before the proposal, you should get a good sense of whether your girlfriend digs you enough to marry you before you buy the ring. How good a sense? Real good. This is known as "The Conversation." And the answers to these questions are ones you should weigh carefully before entering into the most significant contract of your life.

The Conversation should cover, in a whole lot of detail, the following fifteen points, at least. A thoughtful groom will be able to think of a few more. In no particular order...

Are we going to have kids? Am I, or is she, going to take time away from their career to be the primary caregiver? If we're both working late, who is going to pick up our kid from day care? Will we both attend medical appointments? How many children do we want?

How is our sex life? Is it going to keep us fulfilled? If not, why not, and what can be improved? How often are we likely to want sex? (ed. - This person is going to be the last person you ever sleep with, if all goes well. Strange, we know.)

Do we like each other's family? If there are issues, is there anything we can do about it? (You are going to be spending a lot of time with these people over a lifetime, like it or not.)

How much time do we plan to spend with each other's family? Will we make an effort to be equitable about time spent, if that's something we both want? What about the holidays?

If I/you got a dream job in London, would we move? Will you resent me down the line for prompting such a big life event? What if I can't get a job overseas?

Are there personal habits that we each find annoying that could cause friction over time?   If so, are these things we can change without sacrificing our core personalities?

How will we each have our "me" time away from each other? Does one of us find this more important than the other?

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She is truly a gift from God and brings much joy to her famliy! The ring makes this picture even more special. . . Miss M is my niece, and that is my mom's ring. Thanks for capturing such a special moment. Can't wait to see the rest!
Tue, Nov.9th 2010
Thank you for writing this article! The first thing I tell my clients when they come to me for marriage proposal help is that the proposal is going to be the easy part. The marriage is the hard part and takes a lot of work. www.theheartbandits.com
Thu, Dec.4th 2008
One thing to keep in mind... if both you and your bride are the same then one of you is unnecessary... a "good match" is a couple who compliments each other... being opposites in an area is not necessarily a bad thing. for instance, if the groom is a spender to the point that he is constantly borrowing money, and the bride is a saver to the point that she freaks out at anything that costs over $20, then in a marriage you will balance each other out!! of course it is not always going to be perfect... but being flexible is good... you are never going to find someone that is exactly like you in every way. and thats probably a good thing too...
D. from Florida
Tue, Feb.12th 2008
Great advice!!!!! I've been happily married for 10 years. Too many people don't take into consideration what "the rest of your life" really means and what occurs over that time. So many small & large decisions and the different phases in life that you will go through.
My career her career
Wed, Nov.14th 2007
the crazy thing is that the elephant in the room is the idea of the dream job. I can see a major problem coming down the road - we both have dream jobs that are going to open up in the next 2-3 years - one in the US, one in Dubai. One of us is going to blink...very worried about that.
Wed, Nov.14th 2007
Whoa, I can't believe we actually talked about most of these things...all positive, I'll shall proceed!
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Mon, Jul.9th 2007
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