As the MOG i have read and been educated in how many MOG's feel. I dont care what the bible says, i dont care what any one says and the bottom line is, as much as i adore my future daughter in law, my son is my son and i expect him to be the same person as he was before he got married and signed a piece of paper. The only difference is, he will have a lovely bride by his side when he visits. I have felt left out but have been told that this is the norm and when it is my daughters wedding it will be my turn to help. After what i have felt and gone through with my sons wedding, i think it would be nice to include the MOG as well.

I am a mother of the groom, my son getting married this April and FYI here in the Philippines, traditionally, it is the groom's family esp. the parents who were obligated to shoulder the expenses if the son could not afford himself a decent wedding. So it is the mother of the groom who is primarily has the word and the action to the upcoming wedding event. So I won't entertain any humiliating acts from anyone of the bride's family or there would'nt be any wedding at all!

I cannot say I understand what any of you are experiencing as my dilema is quite different. My situation is that my son was stolen by his father when he was 12 after a scheduled Christmas visit and he never came home again. When I finally was able to see my son he melted in my arms, and then that was it. It seemed as if our reunion would heal our wounds and I would once again be a part of his life. It just wasn't so, and to this day I wait for my son to return home. He is getting married next month and I have not been invited and they do not know I know of the upcoming wedding. I learned through a google alert for the wedding registery. I have watched my son grow up through a Facebook page, google, and any other way I could just find to see his life. I have made every attempt possible to reconnect with my son. I wrote him letters while he was in the Naval boot Camp, sent care packages, gifts and calls. Silence is all I have had. It's as if I am looking though a window standing on the outside looking in. My heart just aches. I would give anything just to have my son in my life, to know the woman he is marrying and most likely he will have children with, to be their to watch my son marry what appears to be a very sweet girl and to have the son and mother dance. Sadly none of this will happen for us. I watch their Facebook pictures change and see updates about the upcoming event and still I wait for a call from my son inviting me to one of the most special days of his life but the day is exactly one month and 2000 miles away it's not likely to happen and all I can do is search for any tid bit of this special day. I am making an heirloom bouquet wrap from the lace of my wedding dress I wore when I married my sons father and sewing in ribbons a few of the trinkets my son gave to me as gifts when he was a little boy. I want her to have something that was special to him as a little boy and something that was special to me that he gave me. I will also be making him a hanky from the same lace and embroider the poem his father and I wrote for our invitations. I will include a little note wishing him all of the wonderful life and marriage has to give and say a prayer for both of them that they have a wonderful life together full of happiness and joy. Then I will wait for the both of them to return home one day. To all of you brides please embrace your soon-to-be mother in-laws with love and your furture husband will love you forever. Include them as much as you feel you waqnt to but please remember they love their sons and want more than anything for the two of you to be happy. To all of you mothers of the grooms, try not to sweat the small stuff this day will likely be only once in a lifetime and cherrish every moment you can and just know how lucky you truly are just to be able to witness and be there on this special day with your son and future DIL, embrace her and love her because your son does and know how blessed you are just to be there. I would give anything just to kiss my son on the cheak and hold him one more time and tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of the man he has become. You are all very lucky just to have the moment that moms like me cannot. Enjoy and embrace the day it wont last but a moment.

GailT: I have a few issues to pick with you, as a bride-to-be and reading these horrible comments from you and other MOGs on this board. "She started by insisting that my son change his middle name to her maiden name if he wanted her to take his last name. My feeling is that if you don't want our name, why get married." - WHOA. That is extremely paternalistic and horrible of you to say. People get married for love, commitment, and companionship, not to take the man's last name!!! Yes, brides have the choice to take the groom's family name, and many do, but I for one do not plan to do so, and some people do exchange middle names / maiden names etc. to create a more balanced naming system instead of the outdated, patriarchal system that is the status quo. "And because her father could not dance with her, she did not want my son to dance with me." - My parents both died tragically when they were relatively young (in their 50s) and it still hurts. It would make me and the rest of my family really sad to sit through the mother-and-son dance, since the absence of my father and my mother will be very acutely felt, even if that is not the intention and we can certainly grow up and deal with it. It's just one of those things where you have to balance the feelings of everyone. I am not sure how I feel about the mother-and-son dance, but if I decide I couldn't get through it without feeling really bad at my own wedding, then I would hope that everyone would support that decision. You people have to get over the fact that your son is "yours" and "we" (brides) are "taking them away" from you. That is ridiculous and sensationalist and you are being a drama queen. We are all getting into the same family together, and we have to respect each other's wishes and achieve balances and compromises like mature adults. That's all.

I just returned from my son's wedding and am devastated by the actions of the bride and her family. The wedding was 800 miles away and we flew down with my elderly parents, who were thrilled to see their first grandson get married to what we considered the ideal girl. She is beautiful, well-educated and a caring person, so we thought. She became a BRIDZELLA to outdo them all. She started by insisting that my son change his middle name to her maiden name if he wanted her to take his last name. My feeling is that if you don't want our name, why get married. She then became annoyed at the rehearsal and screamed and shouted like a 3 year old because she did not want my elderly parents escorted to their seats. For an educated person, I could not convey to her that they did not want to be part of the bridal procession, just be given the honor of one of the last people seated. Her mother and family took over the rehearsal supper and served ethnic food that my family did not eat. The day of the wedding I was told there was flowers at the venue for me, but when I got there I was told that I didn't get any flowers. She refused to speak to me at the Rehearsal Dinner and the day of the wedding. When we entered the banquet room, I found that she had deliberately moved our table by the back door where we could not see her and my son and away from our guests. What is truly sad is that when you see the pictures, you do not see her beauty. You see a hateful vindictive look. I understand that her father was not part of the wedding and her grandparents are deceased, but this childish behavior was inappropriate and although she is in her late 20's her mother should have told her so. My husband and I worked many hours to contribute one-third of this wedding, as did her parents and my son and his bride. But in the end, it was her day she ruined. She showed everyone there how mean and childish she is and in the end people admired my husband and I for keeping our cool and having fun at our son's wedding. And because her father could not dance with her, she did not want my son to dance with me. I can only hope she grows up or my son smartens up because this spoiled brat behavior will not sit right in our family.

Your CommentsThat's very sad that you couldn't dance to the song you wanted to with your son at his wedding. I think it's a good point to let other mothers know not to let this happen to them.

Emilia,perhaps she is hurting about something! You sound as if you have been considerate towards her, although it also seems like she feels as if her views are not important and she is trying to make her mark, as if to say, I am here too! If it was me,in your position,I would demand that my future husband politely laid down the law and said the white bouquet is not! an option. It is your day and if he cannot do this now,he won't in the future. A good tip for the future. mothers in law,generally do not resent their daughters in law. They only want to see their sons settled, happy and taken care off! After all,she feels as if she is handing over the most precious thing in her life to someone elses care.To them that means putting their sons before everything and everyone.If and when you have sons of your own,it will be so much easier to understand.If you can do this and also treat your husbands mother as if she is important and special, because without her your husband would not be here,then you should be happy! If your mother in law does not accept your love,then that is another story!I had a strained relationship with my mother in law until she trusted me! Now we are very close indeed! It can work!

To Frustrated, I am in exactly the same position. My son (we are very close and always will be) is getting married to a lovely girl in july and i have had little to do with the preperations. This may appear strange,but it really is not an issue for me. I am not really into wedding planning and will just turn up and have a good day. SHEESH,who cares.

my son is getting married this june .The brides mother hasnt been in touch with me since they got engaged last year. Idont know much abourt the wedding only what my son says which isnt very much. Isee my future daughter in law about once a fortnight and she doesnt tell me anything about how the plans are going.

I am an only child raised by a divorced mother. My mother has stage four breast cancer and my further mother in law signed a contract for the food at my wedding with out asking me.My wedding is 11 months away, she signed a DJ and is over taking my wedding. She even asked me to go looking at dresses for her and her sister and took me to a bridal store and had me try on wedding dresses and demanded I pick one out and she paid for it. She refuses to have my poor mother involved in my wedding.This should be my mom and I not my over bearing futher mother in law,My mother is devastated but does not want to cause problems between me and that rude woman I just want my mother to help with my wedding before she passes away...

Your Comments I am the mother of the bride and my husband and I are paying for the venue. We both love the venue we visited but the groom doesn't like it. What are we to do as parents picking up the tab. My husband and I love this place and don't want to look any were else.

Please brides-to-be.Are your decisions based on what you really want, or are they based on how much control of others you have just because it is your! day.Why not give a little.Yes it is your day,that doesn't mean you turn into stubborn spoiled brats who only consider the feelings of those you wish to consider and stuff anyone who may be invited but whose feelings don't really matter to you. Sorry,but my niece seems to be taking pleasure in taking the higher ground with her decisions and my sister is indulging her. I have already told my daughter,when it comes to her day,she better be more considerate and accept the voices of those who are going to her wedding and answer their questions with love and care,even if only out of respect.

What i dont understand is why a wedding sometimes bring out the worst in people? We had such nice relationships with both of our parrents until we started planning the wedding. Then the 2 moms were at eachother about the most insignificant stuff. we fight constantly about silly things like who is going to be pageboy and why does he have 4 bestmen and you only have 1 bridesmaid. i really want to remember the planning of our wedding to be a happy event. its difficult to stay positive with all this going on. if thing were just better between the 2 moms that would also help alot! But i have decided not to get upset about these things but to just let it blow over. its difficult not to get upset with my mom and future MIL but i am trying my best to keep the relationships healthy. just get demotivated sometimes..

To mothers of the groom who are feeling left out. I say c'mon,let them all get on with it.It takes the pressure away from you.At the end of the day, although the wedding is one of the most important days in your childrens lives,it is really a big party that someone else is organising,in which you play a leading roll,without all the stress and hastle.Take the higher ground,grooms mothers,keep your dignity ,stay cool and remember your status as a mother never changes,you will always have a very special place in your sons hearts,as will the mother of the bride, to her daughter.The brides mother will also now take second place to your son and she feels that too!

I am getting married in just under 7 weeks and OMG I'm stressing. everything was running smoothly until one of my bridesmaids put on an extreme amount of weight and is now on a diet though still with the possiblilty of need pieces added to the dress (even though there was an allowance for a small weight gain). Now i'm at the end of my tether as the MOG has totally dimissed my request for her not to wear black or white due to my colour scheme, anything other than would have been fine. (My own Mother has passed away so there isn't a problem with co - ordinating) The MOG produces her out fit a few days ago after i asked to see it. i knew there was something wrong when she said 'You won't be happy!' I replied 'which have you bought? Black or white'. To which no reply before showing me a black dress with small cream polka dots and a cream jacket. My other half has spoken to his mother with regards to her choice and she seems unwilling to change. What do I say/do? She has totally dis-respected me in what I asked her and feel that she is not considering me at all. She has even said that she doesn't recall the conversation (if so why would she have had any reason to believe her choice of out fit would have made me un happy?) She has offered no help with the wedding financially or otherwise, even though I have tried to include her by showing her my ideas but i've had no positive feed back from her. I just dont know how i'm supposed to react - though i know how I want to react. But so close to the wedding what do i do?? Any comments would be greatly appreciated!!

I have a fanatastic relationship with my daughter-in-law.Our problem is,she sometimes feels she is betraying her own mom by being close to me.We talk about it openly and although there will always be a slight envy from her mom towards me,I have to accept my son is close to her,so it works both ways.

Marcy...i know exactly how you are feeling about the "you have your own mother" thing. my FMIL only has 3 sons and have always wanted a daughter. she wants me to be her daughter in every meaning of the word. that is crazy because as you grow up you form a bond with your own mother that is a once in a lifetime bond that you cannot possible have with anyone but the women who raised you and made you who you are today. my FMIL is ice cold towords me since i have shared my views on this subject with her. even my FFIL now is treating me like i am the nasty one who is not willing to have a relationship with them. that however is not the case - i just want a normal "in-law" relationship with them. is that so hard to understand??

I think at this point...I can say Marcy, the only way you are going to get this wedding to be about you and your fiancee is to elope. His parents are being beyond reasonable and I am so sorry for you. Sometimes you have weigh it all and decide if it is worth all of the trouble to have what you always dreamed of having a wedding at home and just run off...the end result will be same you will still be married to the man of your dreams after all.

What can i have my fiance's little brother do at the wedding? he is 14 years old and not going to be a best man. we are also not going to have a ringboy. so what can i have him do? the other brother is 21 and he is going to be one of the best men.....

Sony.... I do regret not giving my soon to be mother in law a more active role like she wanted. I got so wrapped up trying to make everyone involved happy that I just assumed that she would get over it because she loves us and wants the best for us. If you say that you do love her very much and have a good relationship with her, why not compromise with her and give her this one thing to be happy about and hope your own mother understands. She is overreacting, just like my MIL, but I would rather have done things the way she wanted than to be treated like I have for the last week by her because she is so upset and hurt. Remember she will be a part of your life from now on so pissing her off now is not a good idea.

What is it with these Mother of Grooms saying that they will not attend or have nothing to do with anything just because this or that. Nothing should make you say you won't be there for your son, remember that.

I have read these posts and I am truly sad for all of you. I am getting married June 12th and I have worked hard for a year to plan my wedding by myself because I am independent, NOT because I don't want to have my soon to be mother-in-law included or feel like she "is just a guest at her only son's wedding." I have hardly included my own mother because like I said, I want to do things my own way. I don't care who is paying for it or not, I don't see my own mother getting upset when I didn't ask her about invitations, or the cake, or the color of the bridesmaids gowns. No matter what I have done to include the mother of the groom (grooms cake, wedding pictures, wedding dress/mother of the groom dress, rehearsal dinner), she has refused and now she says that she will attend our wedding "in the masses" and just "as part of the crowd" and will not attend the rehearsal dinner or the reception, which hurts my soon to be husband more than she will ever know. I think all of you mother of the grooms feel like just because you raised him you have a "right" to help plan his wedding, but I have news.... you haven't earned the right to plan the BRIDE'S day. Yes, I have imagined this day ever since I can remember and I have the right and yes the RESPONSIBILITY of planning everything if I want to. There should be nothing more important then being there for your son on the day of his wedding (including the night before and after for the reception) to support him. Let me remind you....THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU! IT IS ABOUT THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM. (I am proud the the writer (THE MOM) for realizing this one thing)

Your Comments I agree so much on what JUST HAVE A PARTY saids They (Daughter in Laws) don't have any idea what a marriage is about,Its all about them showing off,not about the Groom but the Bride.

First of all, I've been married with mother in law problems for 25 years. At many important events with my husband (my bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, graduations, etc.) his mother and sister have been inconsiderate towards me. Now, my son is getting married. My MIL and SIL decided to plan a bridal shower for my future daughter in law and never consulted me about anything. They hardly even know the bride to be. My husband told his mother that she should have considered letting me know their plans. She commented that it wasn't about me, it's about the groom and bride. I know all that, but it's her lack of love and consideration for my feelings for so many years that make me wonder why they would not feel that it was necessary to talk with me at all; if anything, to find out if I could come and who I thought should be invited from the groom's side. Since my husband and I took a little time to warm up to my son's engagement after he and his fiance only knew each other for 5 months and he was trying to get into med school at the same time, my mother in law grabbed the opportunity to act like she was excited when she had the same concerns that we had. Anyway, while I'm still trying keep up with all I need to do and the wedding only 2 months away, I still have to wrestle with my own MOTHER IN LAW issues! She is so unthoughtful. I must try desperately not to treat my future daughter in laws as I've been treated!

I adore my daughter-in-law to be. As the groom's mother,however, I am crushed that I am not invited to the bridal showers that her side of the family is throwing. I was looking forward to travelling to the small town where they will be married and seeing the place where we will be hosting the rehearsal dinner. I doubt this was an intentional slight, but it hurts my feelings none-the-less. So, bride's to be, please involve your future mother-in-law's. We joyfully raised our sons and would like to join in the wedding festivities and not just be an invited guest.

what do you do when your future mother-in-law feels strongly that your shoulders should be covered while you walk down the isle and during the ceremony. isn't it my choice to decide what dress I will wear and how to wear it on my wedding day! my fiance and I had an explosive discussion and I feel that the traditional way is being forced on us when certain traditions are not absolute. i will be covered and in a strapless gown. isn't it my choice?!

I am sorry but i dont agree i will become part of my husbands clan (said in a previous post)when i am married in October this year.My future husband will be as much part of my family as I will be of his family. In my opinion it is equal and just because I and my children will have my husbands family name it will not mean his family will be more important. We will treat both 'sides'the same!! 50/50

As my son and his partner have just become engaged I now have a lot to consider.We love our future daughter in law,unfortunately her mother, although we all get on together, is very possesive and we do not blame our soon to be daughter in law for that. She does her best to be fair and we appreciate it. Regardless of how much daughter in laws family take to do with the wedding (and they will)I feel they deserve it. When their daughter marries my son, she will take on his name and hopefully have his children. Through this she becomes very much part of my family, even if we see less of them both. That bond is very strong. I will take the higher ground on the day and just say to myself, at the end of this day, there will be another addition to our clan, even if in name only.That also makes the grooms family bond very strong! No matter how much the brides family fight against that aspect,in my oppinion there is a fact which cannot be denied.When a couple marry and then in the vast majority of cases the bride takes on her husbands name which will be passed to their children, by nature of this , the bride joins the grooms family and therefore becomes one of them! Stands to reason.

My daughter and future son-in-law were engaged in November, and wanted to marry after her college graduation...to marry in the summer. The only date was the same summer as his older sisters (July), this mother made it clear that she thought they should wait. Then, the onlydate available was june 5..of course this was not acceptable by his mother. Then we find out that it is the same date as his sister's best friends wedding...then his parents were really mad. They have told him that they will not pay for anything, and they think it is terrible that he didn't take his sisters feelings into consideration...there is alot more to this story...but as the mother of of the bride, I am speechless..his mother has spoiled her relationship with both her son and my daughter. She just doesn't get that our children did not pick the 5th to spite or hurt anyone..it just happened. WHat do I do? Can I take her friends off the guest list?

I am the mother of the goom and will be paying for 25% of the wedding plus the entire cost of the rehersal dinner. TO THE BRIDE. You have made it quite clear this is your wedding, the day is all about you and your dream. My son is only a supporting actor. I raised a good man, he will be there to love & support you. There is no competition between us - you are to be his wife and I am his Mother. It breaks my heart that you need to make him choose between us and that you choose my birthday as your wedding day. I will not get caught in your power play and will agree to whatever you want for his sake. TO MY SON, THE GROOM. I love you and will support what you want. I will always be here for you.

I cant believe some of the horrible things Im reading! My family is slightly disfunctional, but I would never dream of excluding my boyfriend's mother from the whole thing, thats insane! I think a lot of brides are scared of other women taking over in order to compensate for their less than satisfactory weddings. I have a pretty good idea of what I want as far as style goes, so I wouldn't let someone tell me that I should have something I dont want, but that doesn't mean I wouldnt discuss things with people.

As a bride to be if I had my time all over again I would just alope. The pain our parents have caused us in not allowing us to have the wedding we want and instead bickering over stupid little things when they aren't paying for anything has really caused some permanent damage. The sad thing is that they don't even realise it. Mothers of the groom...suck it up he's mine now!

As a bride getting married in 10 days, I must say most of these posts hurt. My mother hated her wedding, and wants to give me the wedding that I want (as my fiance agrees). To paraphrase the Bible, a man leaves his mother and father, and is bound to his wife. I think my future mother-in-law is having a problem accepting that her grown son is a man, and the most important women in his life is now me, and no longer her. Children never make vows to their parents (and vice versa), but they do so for their spouses.

Your Comments... I came here to help find a way to heal the hurt in what I had thought would be such a fun and wonderful event. I raised this little boy and we had a relationship that has always been very rewarding to "I thought" both of us. He is going to marry a very nice girl... we like her... the problem? After two years of planning I truly feel like the guest you had to invite. I guess Rebecca thinks Tony should take care of all points of contact but that hasn't happened... knowing how he is I have tried to be involved by making contact with her or hoped she would include me in some way.... ( P.S. the wedding is 9 hours away ) The wedding is less that two months away and I have never been more sad. I could go on and on about the feelings of being left out but today was kind of the next blow! I found out her wedding shower was yesterday. I could use some words of encouragement.

My son and his bride to be are getting married in July! I live in another state and I've been off work with injuries and I haven't been able to be there with them in planning. But its their wedding and I am fine with anything they do! Theres nothing worse than people arguing over your childrens wedding plans. Afterall it is their day and only their day! I love my future daughter in law and look so forward to her being a part of my life! she loves my son and as far as I'm concerned anything they want is fine. Even if they eloped I would not care, because its their life and their vows they are taking. Either way they will always be a big part of my life. I WANT WHAT THEY WANT! Peroid! I don't care how big or how little I'm involved. I just want them to have a ever lasting marriage and life! Good Luck to all of you that are having so many difficulties. Just remember its their day!!

please can you tell me what role the mother of the groom plays on the big day? does she get ready with her son? I am the mother of the bride and the grooms mother has decieded to get ready with my daughter which hurts me a great deal as her own daughter has just got married

It's hard, and as I read the comments above, yes it does seem we are really not involved. Yes, we feel as if our baby boy is suddenly gone. Yes, it hurts, but it also feels wonderful to be gaining a daughter since my son is an only child. Her parents are wonderful and everyone have involved me in many of the plans. This isn't my wedding, it's my son's and his fiance's. It's about what they want and how they want it. It's for their memories which will go far beyond ours and if we MOG's get angry or upset, we are only hurting ourselves. Show your support, do what they want and everyone will be less stressed.

I have to agree with the first comment. I was married before (ex-husband had affairand got a dovorice) When I got re-married to the 2 husband his mother didn't like me cause i was married before and had children. We(2 husband and I payed for everything at this wedding(in my parents back yard and they opened thier house to everyone)mother-in-law comments hurt alot of family members heard the rude comments this woman made.The input of my 2 mother-in-law has caused some really bad problems in the relationship. During our 25 wedding anniverisary mother-in-law wanted to end our marriage and put her 2 cents in on our plans(Party) called 2 husband and made the meal plan out and that it had to be followed or his wife would really be in trouble. I personally told 2 husband that's it i had it with her and said the our 25 wedding party is my way and that his mother needs to keep her mouth shut and her comments are rude. Them at the party the mother-in-law made other rreude comment about the vidio we made of the past 25 years (me and my sister in our outfits for commation) I said mother-in-law you are rude and you don't know everything and that her rude comments are uncalled for and for her to shut up if she didn't approve. Mother-in-law did say that she misspoke and that was that misspoke, This women is so ungoddy. When her daughter had some babies it was news and my husband had to go the Fla for the event or he was in trouble, To this day we are still having some problems with this women called the MOTHER_IN_LAW It's been 27 years of Hell(Sorry for saying that word , it's true)

I am the grooms mom and i let them arrange their own wedding my now daughter in law had no parents and we payed and get on so well, IT IS thier day. My eldest son is to get married and she has a mum and we get on we will pay towards the wedding and let them arrange it and offer help and advise when needed, It helps IT IS THEIR DAY not yours

When I got married, did I ask my mother-in-law to be for her input - NO - but I was very kind. I have told my daughter-in-law to be that it is HER wedding and I would be happy to help her with anything that she needs but the most important thing for her to remember is that SHE gets to have the wedding of HER dreams - as did I. We are not losing our son but charishing this new part of his life. Being the Mother of the Groom means less grey hairs for me.

Well it musst be true "when a daughter marries you gain a son -- when a son maries you lose YOUR son" Nothing I feel or think has mattered yet with wedding plans....

Sorry. We should every night call ourselves to an account; What infirmity have I mastered today? What passions opposed? What temptation resisted? What virtue acquired? Our vices will abort of themselves if they be brought every day to the shrift. I am from Iran and learning to write in English, tell me whether I wrote the following sentence: "The difference between correct tournament poker and cash games is much greater than it." :D Thanks in advance. Alaric.