Your wingman in college. Your best golfing buddy. A guy born two years after you. He's the guy you picture by your side, laughing it up right along with you. But that doesn't make him your best man. Your best friend is the guy with whom you want to share all of your successes. The guy who you look to for support when everything is falling apart - that's your best man. If you're lucky, it's the same guy. But what do you do if it's not? How do you tell the difference? How do you tell your brother he's not going to be your best man?

Unfortunately, you can't round up all your friends and give them a best man quiz to see who scores the highest. You will need to put some serious thought into the guy you ask to be your best man. In some cases, there may be a clear reason for choosing someone other than your best friend. For instance, your brother may be pretty high up the list. Maybe your best friend won't be able to be around for a major part of the planning process - that would be a good reason to knock him out of the running. Other times, though, it's just not that simple.

What it comes down to is this: best friends, sadly, may come and go. Your best man, on the other hand, is someone who will likely stay in your life forever. That's why so many brothers end up being called up to be the best man. Your best man needs to be trustworthy, organized, responsible, fun, and supportive, and often all in the same day. He's the guy you can go to when you're feeling ecstatic about spending your life with the woman of your dreams, but he's also the guy you can go to when you're freaking out over exactly the same thing. He has to be able to organize your bachelor party, keep the other groomsmen on task, run errands, book travel arrangements, prepare a best man speech, and get you through the biggest day of your life. If your best friend or brother fits the bill, then by all means, ask him to be your best man. If you just can't see him coming through for you every single time you need him, in good times and bad, then you may need to look elsewhere. And there's nothing wrong with that.

So, what do you do if you decide that you don't want your brother or best friend to be your best man, but you know he's expecting to be asked? The news usually isn't too tough to break if you're asking your brother to play the part, instead over another friend - your friend is sure to understand the reasoning there. Family is expected to come first, after all.

The opposite scenario is a bit more difficult - ie. you're planning on choosing your best friend over your brother. Be prepared for some raw feelings. If you're going with another friend, or someone more distant, though, it can get even trickier. You don't want to hurt your brother's feelings, and you don't want to damage the friendship. There are some very good reasons, however, for choosing someone other than your brother to be the best man. For example, there could be a large age gap between you and your brother, and while you are close, you may have leaned on another buddy in times of need - such as a college roommate.

If you think your brother will really take it as an insult, you can try to soften the blow by telling him over drinks, or some other relaxed, casual activity you both enjoy. Ultimately, though, the old adage holds true: honesty is the best policy. Be straight with your brother; lay out the reasons for your decision calmly and without trying to shift the blame (no trying to weasel out of it with the "my fiancée was thought that [other guy] was a better match for the Maid of Honor" excuse). Let him know how much his friendship means to you, and how hard of a decision it was, but don't belabor the point. Just tell him honestly. Make it short and sweet. There's no point blabbering on about it; that will only make things more awkward.

One saving grace, of course, is the concept of slotting in a buddy or your brother as a groomsman. That way, everybody gets to play a part. That's not a perfect solution, because the Best Man is, well, the top pick.

When in doubt, here's what you can say to your brother:

"You'll always be my brother, and I value that tremendously. But [high school buddy] is like a brother to me, and I want to give him the recognition he deserves. You're both going to be a part of my life over the long run, ok? How's this: I'll name my first born after you. Now put that ball on the tee, and hit it straight down the middle of the fairway!"

Choosing a best man is never an easy decision. Weigh your options, consider what qualities your best man will need to possess, and make your choice accordingly. This is a great opportunity to find out just how true your friends are. [Page 1 of 1]