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female groomsmen or groomswomen [Page 1 of 1]

Grooms pick their wedding attendants - that's easy enough. But what if the groom wants to pick a best man or a groomsman that's...well...a woman? (gasp!) Here's how to have a "Best Woman" and "Groomswoman."

There was a time when the best man and groomsmen were men. Stout fellows who would just as soon raise a barn as throw a party. Over the years, the mojo of this band of brothers has been pared progressively to make room for the bridal touches of a modern wedding. But at least you could always count on one thing: groomsmen were guys.

That time has passed. Today female groomsmen are becoming more and more commonplace, and a funny thing has resulted: the earth has continued to turn. If you're one of the many thousands of grooms who want to bring a female into the fold on your special day, you may be heartened to learn this no longer represents a radical choice. Still, you'll want to read on for a primer on coed groomsmen etiquette.

The reaction of the bride

Unless you live on Mars, you may anticipate some issues with your bride. These can range form simple concerns about photographic symmetry to deep-seated hatred if the lady in question happens to be an ex. (Of course, you're not going to ask an ex.) Chances are, you're probably thinking of an old friend (ideally of the nonthreatening variety ) or your sister. Your bride may have a de facto veto.

What about dresses?

When it comes to groomswomen, there are two options with respect to what she'll wear. She'll either match the bridal party or attempt to fit in with the groomsmen. As the rest of the groomsmen are likely to be wearing tuxedos, a black dress may be the right option (even though it is a bit, well...dark). That said, GroomGroove.com suggests matching the groomsmen as she's your groomswoman, and not to be confused with a member of the bridal party.

If your bride can think of a fellow to fill out her side, all the better. That will make walking down the aisle much easier. It may be awkward to have a bridesmaid linking arms with a groomswoman. Or not.

They're your wedding attendants

Your wedding party should be made up of your favorite people in the world - all the friends who got you to this point. If one of them happens to be a female and your bride likes her style, you should have no compunctions about bringing a coed to the altar. Just make sure you give her a present that is gender-appropriate. And not just what the bridesmaids are getting!

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Mon, Sep.29th 2014
I want my close friends (women) to walk me down the aisle, does anyone know where to find pics of groomswomen dancing with the groom.
Sat, Aug.30th 2014
I was asked to be a groomsman for a great friend whose fianc I am also very close with and I am going to wear black dress pants and a black button up shirt like the other groomsmen but I will be wearing black heels instead of men's dress shoes. My question is how should I do my hair they have left that completely up to me and I'm at a loss? If anybody with some advice could please respond I would greatly appreciate it.
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Fri, Feb.15th 2013
My late husbands best mate, has asked mw to be his bestwomen, felt very honered, if i said no, then they wouldnt get married without me being there. Felt very honered being asked. It wouldve been my husband, but unfortunaly has died!! So ive been asked. Know ill also have two parties to go to hens & his, Hangover time!!!!
Tue, Nov.1st 2011
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Tue, Nov.9th 2010
Your Comments
Christina Sivels
Sat, Sep.25th 2010
Your Comments
Sat, Sep.18th 2010
Your CommentsThis is a question I cannot find an answer to. This couple just wants to have the grooms brother attend both of them. Will that work?
Sun, Aug.29th 2010
I have been chosen to be the best man at my friends wedding. Today is the big day!! i know it may shock some people but the bride gave it the okay i think its going to be alot of fun and i wish them all the best!! (and im not wearing a tux i chose black slacks but kept it feminine)
Tue, Jul.27th 2010
I am truly excited about this site, my younger brother who I adore just officially asked me to be is Best Woman/Man I feel extremely privileged to have this role in his wedding. How does the best women plan the bachelor party especially when I am his big sister, does anyone have any suggestions?
Fri, Jul.16th 2010
If anybody on here doesn't mind whose groom is using a best woman, If you have a video of the ceremony or have posted it on utube can u let me know? I want to see a wedding ceremony with a best woman for the groom, Because if I marry I plan to do the same thing. Thanks Ryan.
Mon, May.24th 2010
So do they carry flowers or a wrist corsage on nothing? WIll be 2 women on grooms side.
Tue, Mar.30th 2010
My fiance' is having a groomswomen and I'm very excited about it. As for the previous question about how should they walk down the aisle- we're having each attendant walk down on their own.
Thu, Feb.18th 2010
I am considering asking my best friend of 20+ years to be my groomswoman. The rest of my party will be men. As for matching, what my lovely bride and I have decided on might help some others as well. We don't want blue and yellow, but using this image as a temporary example - http://www.thebridalshop.com/Forever_Yours/79103.htm - the three women on the left would be what her bridesmaids might look like, while the one on the right could be my groomswoman. Then, in this case, the men would wear blue shirts with yellow ties. Now my groomswoman is in a dress, so she's comfortable, will completely "match" in pictures, and it's instantly obvious whose side she's on. We haven't picked colors yet, or dresses either, but when we do, we think this might work.
Sun, Jan.10th 2010
One of my best friends is getting married and wants me to be one of the "groomsmen". Its only natural that he's chosen the 3 of us because we're his best friends. Problem for us is that the bridesmaids are already wearing black. I'm thinking I'm going to end up in a female tuxedo, maybe with a skirt. Its his day, so I'll wear whatever I have to, but damnit, I don't want to be stuck in a male tuxedo. I cannot even find any examples online of female tuxedos that can be rented. They're all for sale. I love what I see, and I definitely want to be on his side. I'm surprised the bride went for it, but I am not an ex, so I guess that helps. He's a big brother to me. I'm honored to be a part of it, and I can't believe I get to be in the wedding :)
Fri, Jan.8th 2010
I am so glad I found this site, because it has been hard finding the correct name for a female who will stand in for the "Best Man". Although my fiance and I had decided to have both, the "Best Man" and a "Groomswomen".
Mon, Dec.7th 2009
My partner is thinking of having his best friend who is a lady as his groomsmen... Still alittle unsure as we plan our wedding. However he really is a man's lady. He just gets on with woman better in a non threatening manner, However it still feels a little strange!
Sat, Oct.24th 2009
Thanks for this - it is an interesting article. My fiance was having a tough time picking groomsmen because he didn't just want to pick anyone or college buddies because they were close then that he hasn't spoke to in several years, so I suggested one of our friends that he introduced me to who is a lady. She and him are close and she was very honored and he is now super stoked to have her and was so surprised at the suggestion. I was tossing the female tux idea around and the more I look the less I like, the black dress version of the bridesmaid dress I think is a good idea and it works with our wedding because it is a formal evening event so it wouldn't be to dark. Thanks for the help everyone.
Sun, Jun.28th 2009
So the attire doesn't seen to be an issue. How do they pair up to walk down the aisle if you have all women on one side and a mix on the other?
Wed, Feb.25th 2009
I guess the whole "female groomsmen" issue is a non-issue around here. Sisters of the groom (if they're in the wedding) are considered bridesmaids and brothers of the bride (if they're in the wedding) are considered groomsmen. Now typically for the rest of the wedding party the bride chooses her friends for the girls and he chooses his buddies for the guys, but it's done together (i.e. each have a certain power of veto). In the program around here we just list "Jane Doe: sister of the groom, Jenny Smith: sister of the bride" etc.
Andy H
Sat, Jan.31st 2009
I pride myself on being open to new ideas, approaches and concepts but am struggling with my mate choosing his sister as his 'best man'. I have no problem with her holding a pivotal role in the marriage but the role of best man (organising the stag weekend !?!) should, in my view be left to the guys, just as the hen weekend organisation should be left to the girls !
Tue, Oct.7th 2008
I was my best friend's "Man of Honor" at her wedding and I plan to ask her to be my "Best Woman" when my fiance and I get married. I think it was pretty easy to be her Man of Honor; the only challenges were coming up with ideas for the stripper-free bachelorette party (we hit a martini bar; drunken debauchery is gender neutral, thankfully), the wedding dress shopping trip (I sat that one out), and prepping with the rest of the bridesmaids in the bridal room (my fiance hung out with us making it less awkward). All-in-all, however, a great experience.
Mon, Oct.6th 2008
My best friend is getting married next June. His fiancee has asked me to be a part of her bridal party. Although I felt honored, I cant tell you how much I would have loved to have been a party of his side. Although maybe not the best man (though I should be) even a groomswoman would have been nice. I think it would have been extra special to have me support him. Whereas, I have to take part of her wedding festivities, I know I would have loved being a part of his side and doing things for him. Either way I'm glad to be a part of it, but just wanted to say- it would meant a lot more to be on his side- not hers.
Wed, Sep.10th 2008
This is right on. In my impending wedding, I will be having my sister as my "best chick" and my fiance will be having here brother as her "Bridesman." For my sister we chose to put her in the same dress as the bridesmaids, but in the color of the tuxes (black) that we will be wearing. Her brother will be wearing his Dress Blues as he is in the Air Force. I agree whole heartedly with the article, and feel that the only people who should be up there are the most important people to you personally. It is kind of fun too...to be different I mean. If it were an ex, that might be a little too different though.
Fri, Jul.18th 2008
I was asked by my male best friend to be his "best man" when his fiance and him got engaged. I was a little shocked at first, but of course very honored and very willing at the same time. I am already married and am very friendly with is bride to be. We've been friends for a really long time now and I thought it would be a lot of fun =) They even make tuxedos for women now for this very reason. I think it's great that traditional roles are being challenged. They are getting married in 2 weeks and I am so happy to be in their wedding. Now...on to the speech....=)
Thu, Jun.26th 2008
My boyfriend *not yet fiance* has suggested he might choose a female friend (ex) as a best man. While part of me is all up for non-traditional and can see the logic in choosing a female for this role, in reality the thought of him choosing to have another woman beside him makes me see red (or green!) If his "best-man" is female, then surely she is his "best-woman". If she is his best woman, then what role does the bride fulfil here? I'll admit I'd be less threatened if it was his sister/ mother... but the fact it is a girl the same age as me, who he's been in a relationship with makes it a big no-no...
Tue, May.6th 2008
I found this article particularly amusing. I am a female who has been asked by my male friend to be in his wedding party, and on his side. I get along great with his bride to be and *gasp* I remain none other than his ex. So i got a laugh out of your little "(Of course, you're not going to ask an ex.)" note.
Sun, Mar.9th 2008
Actually, this is very helpful. I plan on having a female as a part of my 'crew.' I just want to have a very unique wedding, and I believe this is one way to do it. I've already asked the person and she's obliged to do it so I'm happy about it. We'll see how it turns out!

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