the best online guide for the groom and best man
changing your best man or groomsman
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Grooms - being men - are supposed to be decisive. If the groom offers the job of best man or groomsman to a brother or a buddy, it's a contract that is very hard to break. But what happens if you want to kick out or fire your best man or one of the groomsmen from the wedding party?
Some questions to think about:
If you fire the best man or groomsman, is that going to cause you and your bride more, or less, wedding planning stress?
Do you have a replacement for the best man or groomsman?
Will your friendship with the fired best man or groomsman be negatively affected?
Changing your best man or groomsman should be a last resort
Once you've asked a buddy or a brother to be a best man or groomsman, the vote of confidence in them has been made (not just by the groom, but by your bride as well, who tends to have a veto on groomsmen.) If you've give one of your buddies the vote of confidence, there's gotta be a compelling reason to get rid of the best man or the groomsman.
There could be several reasons for changing the best man or changing the groomsman.
Groomsman no doing his job
You'll know from reading our articles on best man duties and groomsman's duties that the best man and groomsmen have lot to do in preparation for wedding day. Accordingly, if your best man or groomsman is not doing something that is critical to his role as a groomsman or best man, that is certainly grounds for conversation, at a minimum. GroomGroove.com suggests approaching your groomsman directly.
That said, you should be giving your guys another chance to do right. They've got to get fitted for a tuxedo and show up to the rehearsal and wedding on time. They may even be required to make a wedding speech.
Weddings are expensive affairs, and sometimes groomsmen will accept your offer to be a groomsman without really considering that it might actually cost them money to participate. If you've got groomsman that is being coy about booking his flight, getting fitted for a tuxedo or even accepting the formal invitation, that may be a sign that your buddy may not be totally committed to being your groomsman. That's not great, but better to know this long in advance of your wedding. In this case, you're not going to "fire" your groomsman or best man, as much as you're going to suggest they step aside.
The best man or groomsman can't make it to the wedding
Sometimes, life intervenes or threatens to intervene. "I was asked to be a groomsmen in a wedding," says Brennan Burke, a regular guy living in Victoria, British Columbia, "but I'm serving in the Navy. I found out about 3 months before the wedding, and after having accepted to be a groomsman, that we were getting shipped out for a 6 month tour." In a case like this, or where your groomsman may be in the middle of final exams, a cross-country move or starting a new job, you're right to ask your groomsman if he can still commit to the wedding or whether there's anything that could get in the way of him showing up on wedding day.
Doing something dumbIt takes a really serious incident for the best man to lose his title. Only you know if this incident and potential future behavior qualify as reasons for dismissal. Doing something really dumb qualifies as a reason for firing a groomsman or best man. How dumb? Real dumb. Dumb enough that you don't want to just fire him, you want to kill him. A criminal offense, or pissing off your bride, for example. In one case, a bride contacted the GroomGroove.com Wedding Chick and explained that: "A few months back (pre-engagement), my fiancé and I were out at the bar with the best man and his girlfriend. The best man got pretty drunk and said some insulting things to me." Yeah - that kind of thing rises to the level of grounds for firing a groomsman. [Page 1 of 1]
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