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not crazy about the bride-to-be?

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not crazy about the bride-to-be? [Page 1 of 2]

Congratulations! You've been bestowed with the esteemed honor and title of best man. With this title comes newfound power, responsibility, and the need for an ample supply of moral support. But how can you successfully pull all of that off if you're not crazy about the wife-to-be? Pay attention, because here's how you do it.  

To start with a nautical analogy, the best man is the captain of the ship. Of course, the groom thinks he's the captain, but come wedding day, he'll feel more like a terrified castaway hiding in the bowels of the ship. The best man is the calming influence, the steadying force. So, as captain, the first bit of advice for you is simple: don't rock the boat.

The most important thing to remember throughout the entire process - from engagement to bachelor party to the reception toast - is that the groom's happiness is paramount. If he's happy, you're happy. (This may require you to use a smile about as genuine as Miss America's runner-up at times, but no one needs to know.)

Not sure about your best man duties? Worried about your best man speech? Click the links for a solution from the guys at GroomGroove.com.

The only caveat to this approach would be if you happen to have a life-altering reason for your dislike or distrust of his fiancée. (For example: you have concrete proof she's cheating on him all over town; she's got a serious rap sheet the groom doesn't know about; she's been married seven times to millionaires and has the bling to show for it. You get the idea.) As best man, if you know something important, something your best friend would certainly want to know about his future wife, then it's your duty to tell him. Don't be foolish and wait until he's putting on his tux; make sure you speak with him early on during the engagement. However, if this "important" information is your distaste for her preferred breakfast cereal or favorite movie, please refrain from rocking the boat. A recent best man, Joshua Bolten, 29, astutely points out, "As the best man, you're a relatively minor part of this major event and that event is not about you. It's about two people who love each other. Though your emotions may not be in it to the full extent, it's still your responsibility to entertain and support the groom."

Commonly, friends of the groom dislike the wife-to-be for an immature yet completely understandable reason: she's taking him away from you! You fear the pickup basketball games and Friday happy hours will be things of past once he's married. In reality, unless she plans on having him chained to the washing machine with a medieval torture device, those activities will surely continue. However, there's no denying that his life will change and in turn, so will yours. It's all a part of the process and unless you firmly believe that the world should remain forever static and unaltered, you'll learn to adjust.

So, now, how do you put those personal differences aside and succeed in not only tolerating, but enhancing your best friend's wedding experience? GroomGroove.com suggests a step-by-step breakdown.

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Stevie Wonder
Wed, Oct.29th 2014
Rating:
My best friend is getting married. By far the best dude I've ever met. His fiancée is a complete bitch. Hates anything that has to do with him not being attached to her. She is over controlling and extremely negative. She can even be very mean at times. My best friend is one of the happiest funniest guys I know but has to completely change around her or she loses it. Her and I have got into it many times. She hates me and threatens his and my friendship. She's an evil witch but he's in love. Idk what to do. I can't imagine him being happy for life. She's such a negative being its just impossible. All advice helps.
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Thu, Apr.11th 2013
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Alex
Wed, Apr.10th 2013
Rating:
no jasne. su nejake ziisve, spontanne, zrejme pomohlo aj to perfektne pocasie, aj ked slnko nie je vzdy vyhra. ale tie s tou krajinou su famozne. take nema ani yervant. a keby mal, tak to pozadie aj tak uplne zatmavi a este si pamatam, ze prides zachvilu zase
Prudence
Thu, Aug.25th 2011
Rating:
Thank you so much for this arictle, it saved me time!
Sat, Jul.24th 2010
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To the best man soon, It is your own decision how you treat this situation.If it was me and I had reason to dislike the behaviour of my brothers wife before the wedding and I knew it was justified,I would have no hesitation in having a private chat with my brother telling him I understood he was in love but here are my concerns.I would ask him if he knew how hurtful she could be and give him examples.I would also say perhaps your fiance has issues with the family that she would like to express,so it was all out in the open and things could be addressed and sorted before the big day.
best man soon
Tue, May.11th 2010
Rating:
I am the best man in my brothers wedding this weekend. I really dont like my brother wife. She has said and did some terrible things to my wife and my family. My Brother works three jobs and his future wife sits home all day and doesnt work. She cant hold a job because she is lazy any advise
Fri, Jan.15th 2010
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If my oldest and closest friend (I am best man in june) was marrying someone I couldn't stand and was the opposite of what i feel is suitable for him I think I would wonder if I actually knew the guy at all. Thankfully my friend is marrying someone who i will have no problem with about singng her praises on the big day. Oh and as someone close to the groom i would also have no problem telling him long before the proposal if I thought his partner was a looser. I would expect him to do the same.
bridezil'a best man
Mon, Jul.28th 2008
Rating:
my nephew is marrying a TRUE bridezilla. I cant stand her. She even talked him into NOT inviting any of his family to the wedding (except me). What so I do..........I'll feel 2 faced if I "stand up" in their weedding to show my "love and support"
Dan
Fri, May.23rd 2008
Rating:
ug. My younger brother and only sibling is getting married to a real two faced witch. No one (my entire family, including sweet grandma) likes her and in the 5 years they have been dating she has made no attempt to become part of our family. As he has lost most of his friends becuase he wont leave her side ever, i'm the best man. I am dreading this. He wants me to throw a big bachelor party for him, even though he totally skipped out on mine. He was my Best Man.
yeah but...
Tue, Nov.27th 2007
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i agree you shouldn\'t tell the groom close to his wedding day, but telling her at all could cause a rift in your friendship. to each his own. some of us will never understand why these guys pick the women they do...
Todd
Tue, Nov.13th 2007
Rating:
You absolutely cannot tell the groom that you think his bride sucks anywhere near wedding day. if you're that close to the groom, you should tell him the minute he finds this girl
best man
Wed, Oct.31st 2007
Rating:
I totally understand the last post. Although my buddies bride is not quite to that extreme, we've never ever been friends, even when we all met in college. some people just will never get along or get close. but the groom knows that already!
Anonymous
Fri, Oct.26th 2007
Rating:
Yeah. I figured as much. I'm the best man in just under two weeks. My pal and I have been close for nearly a quarter of a century. One of the most momentous things that he and I have in common is compassion, tolerance, understanding, simplicity, NON-materialism, and a certain populist approach toward life. And he's marrying a totally money-driven, silicon boob-implanted, judgmental, intolerant, bigoted, almost certainly homophobic Christian Conservative type with "God Bless America" and US Marine Corps (why??) stickers on her SUV. I'm going to be sick, but ... I'll do my bit. I guess I'll miss my dear old friend. There won't be much to talk about without pissing her off ;-)

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