Your bride is the last person that you're ever going to have sex with - at least she should be. Sexually speaking, marriage is the end of the line for a groom...so how do you come to grips with this daunting certainty?

Making the Commitment

By getting married, a groom is committing to...well...commitment. A groom is committing to the same face, same breasts, same belly, same birthmarks, same legs, and for life. Certainly, you're supposed to love and to cherish her, but there is much more to your vows than what is actually said. No one talks about cheating during a wedding. Adultery isn't a term often thrown in with the "I do's", but it needs to be addressed nonetheless.

Before you get married (and hopefully before you propose), you need to answer (along with the questions raised in our Gut Check article) whether you can truly be faithful to this one person. And if the answer isn't an orgasmically affirmative "Oh God, Yes!" , then you have a problem on your hands. Grooms, on your own terms and in your own time, you need to understand - and even embrace - the monogamous lifestyle.   If you have total confidence that you can be monogamous, then--by all means--go forth and buy the ring, pop the question, and get the tux.

Degree of Difficulty

How tough is this whole "one woman, one sexual partner" thing going to be? The degree of difficulty is hard to quantify because everyone's different, but "easy" is not one of the answers that comes to mind. First, consider what you can do. ( That seems like an uplifting way to start!)   You can definitely remain friends with women. You can still talk to other women. You can even flirt with them harmlessly. However, you definitely can't kiss women and you definitely can't have sex with them. And contrary to Bill Clinton's assertions, oral sex isn't going to sound any better to your wife when the truth comes to light. (Unless, you and your spouse have some kind of special arrangement, and in that case , please let us know how you pulled that one off!)

Fantasy

There is absolutely nothing wrong with fantasy in your sex life with your new wife. It's human nature, and you can bet she has an active fantasy life as well. If you find yourself fantasizing all the time, that's when you have a slight hurdle to overcome. You should step back, recharge, and focus on your loving wife.

If you're finding monogamy a challenge, think about this: each time you consider doing something in "secret", like another date, a kiss, a lap dance or even sex, imagine describing your act to your wife or fiancée. Think about her reaction. When you consider the level of hurt or sadness that would bring her, we think your decision becomes much easier. Personal guilt trips are always the most effective.

article continues...
[Page 1 of 2]